Ben Carson, Who We Forgot Existed, Has COVID-19

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The White House Coronapocalypse continues! Ben Carson, HUD secretary for the next 72 days, has tested positive for COVID-19, which is a disease that exists in the world despite what your Fox News-viewing relatives tell you.

Carson reportedly went to Walter Reed Army Medical Center “briefly" after experiencing symptoms. His deputy chief of staff Coalter Baker released this statement:

Secretary Carson has tested positive for the coronavirus. He is in good spirits and feels fortunate to have access to effective therapeutics which aid and markedly speed his recovery.

When you work for an administration that's trying to deny millions of Americans health care during a pandemic, don't tell us how “fortunate" you feel to have access to the best in 21st Century medicine. This isn't about luck. It's a deliberate have and have-not situation.

There's a Choose Your Own Adventure-worth of options for how Carson caught the coronavirus. He attended a Trump superspreader campaign rally on October 30 in Waterford Township, Michigan, a state President Lame Duck would go on to lose. While Trump declared we'd “turned the corner" from the virus that was killing 1,000 Americans daily, Carson hung out maskless in the packed crowd of fools.

Carson, a member of the coronavirus task force, was also present for Trump's Hatch Act-violating election night party at the White House, where no masks were required.


Wile E. Coyote learned more from his near-death experiences than Donald Trump. He doesn't care that people got sick after his Supreme Court Red Death ball for Amy Coney Barrett. He doesn't care that coronavirus outbreaks consistently emerge after his hate rallies. No, at the Michigan rally, he bragged that he'd shrugged off the virus like it was nothing.

TRUMP: And I said, "You know, I could catch this thing. And if I do, I do, and I'm going to get better fast." I didn't know I was going to get better that fast. That was pretty good.

Fuck you.

Meanwhile, 7,944 Michigan residents are dead from the pandemic Trump criminally mismanaged. Confirmed cases have surged in the past month. This now includes Detroit native Dr. Carson. I almost feel sorry for the White House aides who felt pressured into idiotically reckless behavior at the election night gathering, but Carson should've had the clout and self-respect to stay home with his wife, Candy.

Carson is a damn doctor. They even made a movie of his brain surgeon escapades starring Cuba Gooding Jr. (We never said it was a good movie.) He should know enough to take COVID-19 seriously. He's 69 years old and a prostate cancer survivor. He's also Black, a demographic that has disproportionately suffered from COVID-19 and Trump's presidency.

Trump loyalist Herman Cain died from COVID-19 after attending his Tulsa rally in June, and no one, certainly not Trump, bothered to mention the former Republican candidate for president at the RNC a few months later. Conservatives might insist “all lives matter," but Cain's apparently didn't. It was too embarrassing, too off brand to even acknowledge for a second that COVID-19 fucking kills people.

But Carson is the same genius who coughed into his own hand at a coronavirus news conference.

Trump adviser, David Bossie, the non-lawyer who is running Trump's quote-unquote "legal" team, also tested positive Sunday. Trump is absurdly superstitious, so he wanted to surround himself with the people who were in his immediate vicinity on election night 2016. He kept Bossie close like a luck rabbit's foot. It turns out Bossie is not that lucky.

Trump's election-losing party was held indoors in the East Room. That's such a bad idea and you can't imagine how happy we'll be when responsible, science-recognizing adults are in charge again. It's starting to look like the coronavirus is the parting gift from this bad reality TV presidency.

There were hundreds of mostly umasked guests at the party. This included high-ranking Trump officials such as Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin and Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar. I don't want to see anyone get sick, but my concern is admittedly punctuated with a shrug emoji.

We sincerely hope Carson recovers quickly and fully, so Joe Biden can fire his transphobic ass.

[CNN]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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