Ben Carson's Broken Brain Has New 'Thoughts' On Gay Marriage

Physician, heal thy own brain!

Oh lookie, Ben Carson has decided to sleepily share some more thoughts, and as usual, they are dumb moronic "I should play Operation on my own brain, that's what I should do" thoughts. Oh, there's nothing here so BREAKING! as Ben Carson Is Better At Mass Shootings Than You Because This One Time At Popeye's, or Ben Carson Teaches Holocaust Victims How To Not Be Such Pussies, but they are dumb, bad thoughts just the same. Speaking on the wingnut Eric Metaxas radio program, Carson just wanted The Gays to know that he loves them, yep, he doesn't have any problem with them at all:

I'm a very reasonable and tolerant person and I have nothing against gay people whatsoever, and I would like for them to just answer one question for me: What position can a person like me take, who has nothing against gay people, but who believes in the traditional biblical definition of marriage, that is acceptable to them? I've yet to hear a clear answer on that.

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Oh, this is fucking easy, and if Ben Carson hasn't heard the answer to this one question, it's because he is A Idiot, and hasn't been listening. You can have your little beliefs inside your tiny brain, Ben Carson, and you can masturbate to them all day if you want. And then, regardless of those little tiny beliefs in your little tiny brain, you can accept that the fucking Supreme Court of the fucking United States of America has ruled on the issue, it's settled law, and if you're so against gay marriage, just try extra hard not to stick your dick up a dude's ass so hard he starts hearing gay wedding bells. That work?

Oh, but Carson has more thoughts, unfortunately:

If you change the definition of marriage for one group, what defense do you have for the next group that comes along that wants it changed? Can you say, "Oh no, we're just changing it this one time, it'll be this way forever"? How is that fair? ... [Polygamy] is the natural next question.

UGH FINE, we will talk about his "argument," such as it is. Ben Carson, we don't know if you've ever, in your entire medical career, gone into a library and seen a set of Encyclopedia Britannicas or, we don't know, maybe FUCKING GOOGLED ANYTHING BESIDES BRAINS, but if you had, you'd know that the definition of marriage HAS changed many, many times over the history of humanity, and that the Bible is jizz-damn-filled with different types of marriage. Back in Bible days, it usually involved a transfer of property (i.e. WOMAN, and also some goats and charm bracelets from her daddy, if you scored a good one!), and had nothing to do with love. Now unless Ben Carson is so traditional that he refused to marry Mrs. Candy Carson unless her daddy filled the barn with some of his best livestock, we'd say he's already in a non-traditional, unbiblical marriage.

And, as to the polygamy thing, this has been explained SO MANY TIMES (hey, here's an example!), but each time something changes in marriage law, it has to be decided on its own merits, under the laws of whichever society is considering changing it. So, if the polygamists have an argument to make, they're free to make it! Hell, they might just point out that they're all over Ben Carson's Bible, and QED motherfuckers.

Anyway, Ben Carson says doing gay marriage means we're "tossing the whole [word of God] in the garbage," so guess we're all going to hell, and Ben Carson is going to heaven with Candy and the donkey her daddy gave them as a wedding present.





Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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