Bill Kristol's Butt Buddy David French Not Running For President, What A Shame
David French, maybe
Who could have seen this coming and WHOA IF TRUE, but we must regretfully inform you that Bill Kristol was wrong about a thing. We know, it's weird! Over Memorial Day weekend, Kristol had ominously tweeted that he had some sort of inside knowledge that led him to believe that there would be a big game-changer of an independent about to throw his or her hat into the ring, somebody who would beat Trump and Hillary, and everybody was like, "Oh my god, that is probably going to happen because Bill Kristol is the Correct Man."
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/602448/fourth-most-famous-david-french-bristol-palins-ghostbloggers-husband-running-for-president-neat"></a>[/wonkbar]And then the bombshell came. National Review writer David French, who isn't even the most famous person named "David French," was maybe going to throw his hat in the ring, but was it a for sure thing? Hell no, but how could Bill Kristol possibly be in error? It was definitely going to happen. One person who was #ReadyForFrenching was Ben Shapiro, whose computer screen is still at the dry cleaners being disinfected after Shapiro blew his peen-gasket way too fast over the possibility of President David French.
But alas, David French has weighed his multitudinous options, and has decided that 2016, much like all the other years, is not his year:
Here is a sentence I never thought I’d type: After days of prayer, reflection, and serious study of the possibilities, I am not going to run as an independent candidate for president of the United States.
Well that's too bad. Is it because nobody knows who he is and this really was just one of Bill Kristol's weird masturbation fantasies?
I gave it serious thought — as a pretty darn obscure lawyer, writer, and veteran — only because we live in historic times.
And historic times call for random National Review writers to be the president! French does, however, say that "the path remains open for others," so maybe Jonah Goldberg or K-Lo will still answer the call.
The rest of French's column is very boring, and we will not bore you with it. We will just say we are very glad he's stepped aside, for the good of the country, so that the original keeper of America's flame, and Bill Kristol's heart, may enter the presidential race. Sarah? Oh, Sarah? Wherefore art thou, Sarah Palin, also too dontcha bet all of them Katie?
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/593414/sarah-palin-says-donald-trump-is-jesus-basically"></a>[/wonkbar]Meh, fuck it, we are doing "Wishful Thinking" again. Palin lives all the way up inside Donald Trump's ass, and besides, she's got that new gig to quit halfway through being a TV judge, so she's totally not available. Guess we'll just have to let Hillary win the 2016 election, OH WELL.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.