Bill O'Reilly Has Won Forever, So Rest Of Media Can Just Go Home Now


Fox News Walking Ego Bill O'Reilly had a little chat with his own network's Media Buzz Sunday, and told host Howard Kurtz that the lamestream media doesn't bother him anymore, because he has WON against them.

"At first they tried to destroy me," he told host Howard Kurtz. "They couldn't. They failed."

But he was strong. He was invincible. He was Bill Freakin' O'Reilly, impervious to opposing opinions, facts, shame, or mockery. He's got a persona to act out, and by god, he WILL act it out. And people will buy his goddamn books. And he is definitely going to get that 25,000-man mercenary anti-terrorist army any day now, too.

Also, Bill O'Reilly is such a mensch that he's even good for other programs, because he is Bill Goddamn O'Reilly, ratings draw:

"I bring ratings to those shows," he continued. "When I go on Letterman or I go on the morning shows, their ratings go up. That's why they have me on."

But that's not why he goes on The Daily Show, oh no. He's not giving anything of himself to Jon Stewart. Stewart senses O'Reilly's power and he seeks his life essence. Bill O'Reilly does not avoid Jon Stewart, Mandrake. He is willing to go on Stewart's little show with its audience of stoned slackers. But he does deny Stewart his essence:

"I go on his show just to amuse myself, just to smack him around here and there," he said. "Because who else is going to do that [other] than me?"

Do not ever change, Bill O'Reilly. You haven't so far, so we're pretty sure you will remain the magnificent untouchable stallion you have always been, you manly brute.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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FINALLY. Of course, we say "finally," because we haven't been behind the scenes in the House Judiciary and Intelligence committees to witness the negotiating and wrangling firsthand, so we don't know what it's taken to make this happen, but clear your calendars for July 17, because Bobby Mueller is goin' to Congress!

Committee chairs Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler sent the letter late yesterday, accompanied by a subpoena, for Mueller to testify at 9 a.m. Eastern on July 17, which is a Wednesday, so you will presumably not be busy with brunch. The hearings for each committee will be back to back, after which members of Mueller's staff will meet with committee staff behind closed doors.

Schiff told Rachel Maddow last night that it should not be viewed as a friendly subpoena, because as we all know, Mueller has been very reluctant to become the star of the political circus this will surely create. However, he's gonna have to suck it up, because as we all saw after what happened when Mueller addressed the nation for 10 whole minutes, there is great value in actually having Mueller breathe life into his own work, for an American audience that hasn't read his 448-page report. (And we don't blame them/you! We probably wouldn't have read it all if it wasn't our job. It would probably be on our "list," like "someday I am going to watch 'The Sopranos' start to finish finally. And then I will read the Mueller Report!")

Point is, it needs to happen on live TV, where people can gather around at work and on the train and in the Fantastic Sams while they gets their hair did, and let this highly respected public servant tell the story of how America's most hostile enemy attacked the 2016 election in order to help Donald Trump, how the Trump campaign was positively orgasmic over that reacharound, and how Trump criminally obstructed the investigation into that hostile foreign attack at every turn.

And because Robert Mueller is a patriotic American who respects the rule of law and our institutions, he will be complying with the subpoena, because of fucking course he will.

Right off the bat, we have a couple of questions:

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Beds at the 'temporary' shelter in Homestead, Florida. US HHS photo.

The House of Representatives passed a $4.5 billion emergency bill to fund detention of undocumented immigrants and asylum seekers yesterday, but the bill's demands that government meet minimal standards of humane treatment led Donald Trump to threaten a veto, because no one puts cruelty in a corner. The bill passed largely along party lines, 230-195, with four progressive Democratic first-term representatives opposing it because they believed the machinery of the New Cruelty shouldn't get a single dollar more. Trump prefers a bill already passed by the Senate, which would provide a similar level of funding $4.6 billion), but lacks the House bill's crazy radical requirements that migrants be held in less horrifying conditions than have been reported in the last week.

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