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We were already two martinis in when we decided we were young and hip and happening enough to find Fusion TV on our television provider, and watch the "Black and Brown Forum" with Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton, and the other one. So we can't say we caught all the nuances, or any of them. But holy shit, you guys, by the time we were five minutes in, we were shouting at the TV in disbelief as the Democratic candidates were asked -- and had to answer -- actual questions on issues actually affecting minority Americans. WHAT?


Sure, the nice Millennials at Fusion asked several questions of the "thong or granny panties" variety; Bernie Sanders, in particular, was incorrect in his answer to "best fictional American president," when he (eventually) was able to name Michael Douglas's gross mean lips in The American President. (The correct answer is the Independence Day president, Will Smith.)

But Martin O'Malley was forced to defend his legacy of horrific and universal police brutality in Baltimore, which led directly to the death of Freddie Gray. (Do read the David Simon interview linked just there if you haven't.) It was a long response in which he called for the abolition of the death penalty, which made us briefly reconsider our automatic ew-face when we see him, despite the fact that at most of these Dem forums he comes off as a bit of a belligerent dick.

And Hillary Clinton was asked how she has benefited from white privilege -- with examples please! She started to give a really good answer about not knowing it was white privilege at the time, but certainly knowing she was lucky. Then, unfortunately, she got caught in a thicket of explaining that Chicago was surrounded by fields at the time, probably already anticipating rightwing bloggers assuming she was telling fat Clintons for thinking there could be agricultural workers in Illinois, and ended her long sojourn with the Time She Met Some Mexicans (but in a nice way).

Clinton was also asked for her favorite rumor about herself, and declined to answer "Vince Foster," going instead with her alien baby. Sniff, Madam Secretary. "Arkansas hypodermic needle AIDS condom crackpipe Christmas tree" or GTFO.

Everyone was asked about the Guatemalan babies, and how many Obamaphones and Obamacars they would automatically receive on entry; Hillz's answer was sadly bureaucratic. "Due process," she repeated like 17 times, "I would make sure they have counsel supplied by the government." YOU MEAN THEY DON'T ALREADY? Oh my sweet baby Jesus please tell me they already do.

Topics included the school-to-prison pipeline, decoupling education funding from property taxes (the original sin in education, and which Bernie Sanders called to destroy), and how much each candidate would chop the head off of those scummy for-profit colleges that are preying on poor kids.

Also, Jorge Ramos asked Martin O'Malley if he is crazy.

GOOD FORUM YOU GUYS!

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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