All of Washington is crippled today, and everyone from the lowliest think tank interns to the mightiest Senators are weeping bitter tears of frustration: it's the day the BlackBerrys went silent.
At 8 p.m. last night, tragedy struck. A "massive system failure" destroyed the BlackBerry network, leaving the devices worthless husks of shaped plastic, mocking reminders of their owners' own inevitable declines and eventual deaths.
No one at Research in Motion is even answering the phones today -- the entire company is missing and presumed dead.
Flags will be flown at half-mast, and the president is expected to make a statement this afternoon.