Blackwater: The Shootinest Mercenaries in Iraq
Congratulations to Blackwater, who, despite being just one of the many private armies currently employed by the Pentagon and State Department to "provide security" in Iraq, is handily beating all their competitors when it comes to shooting Iraqis. Blackwater has officially fired weapons "at least twice as often per convoy mission as security guards working for other American security firms." Someone's getting a hefty bump come the holiday appropriations season!
In fact, they just won a huge helicopter contract or something from the State Department -- keep shootin, boys!
Michael Weiss at Jewcy provides the MadLibs version of the story:
The State Department [was very forthcoming about / would not comment on] most matters relating to Blackwater, citing the current investigation. But Sean McCormack, the [witless flack who blamed Denmark for its problems with the Mohammed cartoons / department's spokesman], said that of 1,800 escort missions by Blackwater this year, there had been "[only a thousand set of steak knives rewarded for high kill counts / only a very small fraction, very small fraction, that have involved any sort of use of force]."
The Iraqi Parliament will probably vote to overturn the rule that says Americans can't be charged for any crimes in Iraq, and then they will kick Blackwater out of Iraq, and then Blackwater will stay in Iraq, and we'll all have a good laugh.