Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

The schizoid narrative Trump has pushed about Russian fuckery is at direct odds with US intel officials who tell the NY Times that they showed Trump proof of that election fuckery two weeks before he was inaugurated. That included emails and text messages between top Putin aides ordering the campaign, material stolen from the DNC passing through Russian military intelligence networks monitored by British, Dutch and US intelligence agencies (and sent to Wikileaks), and even past examples of Russian intrusions in US defense networks and systems. But there was NO COLLUSION!

At the end of yesterday's episode of White House Apprentice, Trump appeared to say Russia was no longer screwing with the US. Sarah Huckabee Sanders came out a short time later to say that no, we didn't actually hear what we heard.

Russian officials have been trolling the US by talking about "important verbal agreements" made between Trump and Putin, and now the Pentagon is frantically trying to figure out what the fuck Trump just did.

Trump sat down for another interview with CBS's Jeff Glor where he bullshitted his way through a condemnation of Putin and election fuckery, shittalked Joe Biden, and blamed Obama for Russian fuckery.

Republicans are taking turns borrowing Marco Rubio's retractable spine to criticize Trump's continued spin on Russian fuckery.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders says Trump is considering handing former US ambassador to Russia Michael McFaul and Bill Browder over to Putin for a little chat, but State Department spox Heather Nauert called the idea "absolutely absurd."

Buzzfeed News has an in depth story about Lane Davis, the "alt-right" neo-Nazi troll who went from peddling conspiracy theories to murdering his dad last fall.

Trump's company failed to pay property taxes in five states last year, and now real estate experts are wondering if DJTJ and Eric are competent enough to run the family business.

DJTJ and Eric have cost taxpayers almost $250,000 in Secret Service protection while they traveled around the world promoting the Trump family business.

The Senate is flummoxed over the Trump administration's lack of concern about the more than 2,500 children being held in Trump's baby jails -- to the point where Sen. Catherine Cortez Masto actually asked if HHS Secretary Alex Azar was a robot during a heavily scripted conference call.

Later today the House will start negotiating the farm bill under the premise that poors will pressure their reps to support work requirements for food stamp recipients. Maybe you should give them a call?

Amid fears that climate change might trigger massive flooding ahead of midterm elections, the House is trying to rush through an extension on flood insurance coverage, but it's unlikely to sail through Congress as nobody can agree on subsidies, premium increases, debt forgiveness, and private insurers.

House Republicans have scheduled a vote for an anti-carbon tax bill today with the hope of using it against Democrats this fall, but the plan could backfire as vulnerable Republicans are already looking for trees to hug.

Despite blood curdling screams from geeks and the intel community, House Republicans plan to deny additional funding for election security later today.

Devin Nunes is fighting the "band of creeping correspondents" at his local newspaper who keep reporting on his shady dealings. With the largest war chest of any House Republican, and his own fake news website, Nunes is trying to paint himself as something other than a traitor. Good luck.

NICE TIME: City legislators in New York have passed a bill that will allow inmates at Rikers Island correctional facility to make free phone calls.

Police in the UK have ID'd several Russians suspected of poisoning former Russian double-agent Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia.

Some of the biggest names in tech have pledged not to develop killer robot AIs, but experts stress that the definition "lethal autonomous weapon" is fuzzy, and many countries are already clamoring for kill-bots.

Kara Swisher, the Ed Murrow of Silicon Valley, had a chat with Mark Zuckerberg on her most recent podcast. Zuck attempted to defend Facebook from allegations that it's complicit in Russian cyber fuckery and being an outlet for conspiracy peddlers and trolls, and pushed back against calls for regulation. After he appeared to defend Holocaust deniers, Zuckerberg later clarified his views ... and kind of things worse. [Transcript]

The Brady Bunch House is for sale, but some of the potential buyers are considering tearing it down since nothing is sacred.

And here's your morning Nice Time!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

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OOH BOY HOWDY, The Federalist is on fire this week! Just this morning we told you about the hilarious Federalist column where one neo-Nazi's mom and dad are Democrats, ipso facto QED NEO-NAZIS ARE THE REAL LIBERALS, FUCKERS! Is America's dumbest woman whose name doesn't rhyme with Cara Snailin' over there being a total fuckin' Mollie Hemingway right now? Sadly, she blocked us on Twitter, so how could we possibly know? The answer is WE DON'T CARE.

But now we have a gem of the Federalist genre, an article written by a whiny-ass gay quisling conservative, who would like to chew on his blankie and whine about how much harder it is out there for a conservative than it is for a gay person. This is a subject we happen to have some knowledge about, because we are super gay! And we know a lot about conservatives, both firsthand -- being subjected to them every single one of our almost four decades of life -- and also from covering extremist right-wing Christians for a very long time. Particularly the kind that tell young, impressionable, vulnerable gay kids that they need to pray away the gay if they want Jesus to exercise some self control and refrain from sending them to a fiery hell for all eternity.

We clicked on the article with high hopes. See if you can spot why:

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pic via Glamour Shots, we mean this dude's old website

The House Education and Workforce Committee was all set to have a hearing today all about the horrors that a higher minimum wage would wreak on the economy. Horrors like rich people being slightly less rich. Horrors like business owners claiming they will have to fire people and charge $15 for a McChicken if forced to pay workers a living wage, which they won't actually do because no one will buy a $15 McChicken and they would go out of business if they tried that, and they already don't hire more people than the bare minimum they can get away with. Horrors like poor people not being "motivated" to work harder and get better jobs that do not pay them an amount no human being could possibly live on.

Alas, as Politico reports, it was not to be, as committee members discovered their big witness for the hearing, San Diego State University economist Joseph Sabia (pictured above in a Glamour Shot from his archived website), was kind of a wacko.

Sabia, as it turns out, once had a blog called "No Shades Of Gray," in which he wrote many columns of an extremely homophobic and sexist persuasion. In one of these columns, in 2002, Sabia was very mad about one man's lawsuit against several fast food giants for contributing to his health and obesity problems by failing to disclose the nutritional information of the food they sold. In retrospect, I think most people are now on board with these chains being required to post calorie counts and other nutritional information, but in 2002, Sabia was convinced that requiring them to do this would be an assault on freedom for all Americans everywhere. His response to this was to try and attempt a Jonathan Swift posture and suggest taxing gay sex, which he claimed leads to "disastrous health consequences."

Because sure, that's the same thing, basically.

In gay sex, we have an activity that is clearly leading to disastrous health consequences. What rational person would engage in this sort of activity? There is only one solution - let's tax it.

"Come on, Sabia," you say, "how are you going to enforce these taxes? Are you going to send government officials to peep into everyone's bedroom?"

Eventually. But first we have to mount the assault on Big Gay (no, I am not talking about Rosie O'Donnell). We can tax gay nightclubs, websites, personal ads, sexual paraphernalia, and so forth. Talk about a sin tax!!! We can cripple gay-related industries and get them right where we want them. All gay clubs will have to feature huge, flashing warning signs like "CAUTION: Entering this nightclub may increase your chance of contracting STDs and dying."

Big Gay clearly lures people into trying their "product" without discussing the risks to mind, body, and soul. The average Joe on the street does not understand all of the possible bad outcomes. I can almost hear him now:

"They said '100 percent hotties.' I thought that meant it was fun. I thought gay sex was OK…Now I have all these diseases. Big Gay has wrecked my life."

In the immoral words of Warren G, "Regulators!! Mount up!"


In another 2002 article, classily titled "College Girls: Unpaid Whores," Sabia laments that feminists have led college girls to stop trying to be like the Holy Virgin Mary and instead to aspire to be more like that hussy Ally McBeal.

No, really.

As women have strayed from the church, they have replaced what is holy with what is temporally pleasing. For Catholics, the model woman is Mary, the virgin Mother of God. She is beloved by the faithful for her unflappable devotion to and trust in God, her nurturing of the Son of Man, and her deep love for all humanity.

Today's college girl looks to Ally McBeal, the trollops of Sex in the City, and the floozies on Friends to set their moral compasses.

The sad truth is that college girls are so desperate to find love that they are willing to degrade themselves to get it. But true love can only be understood in the context of the Word of God. Any other notion of "love" is secular and, by definition, limited and finite.

Not only that, but instead of going to college to find a husband, they have boyfriends. Boyfriends they have S-E-X with. And sometimes, not even that. Sometimes they have sex with people just because they want to have sex with people, and not even in exchange for Valentine's Day cards or money!

Additionally, other sex-based relationships have become commonplace. In recent years, a new and disturbing arrangement known as "friends with benefits" has emerged. In this arrangement, men are not even forced to perform the normal duties of boyfriends, i.e. flowers, Valentine's Day cards, rides to the abortion clinic, etc. Instead, girls consider these guys "just friends" whom they happen to screw every now and again. No strings, no attachments, no dinners. Just sex when they feel like it.

This type of arrangement is the next logical step in the direction that young women have drifted in the last few decades. These women have become unpaid whores. At least prostitutes made a buck off of their trade. These women just give it away.

How cute! He was like the ur-incel, basically.

Anyway, following the discovery of the posts, the House Education and Workforce Committee's GOP communications director Kelley McNabb told Politico that "members were uncomfortable moving forward on the hearing." A more optimistic person might think this was a step forward, that maybe those committee members actually thought it was bad to suggest that being gay means being a disease-ridden monster or that college girls are whores, but it's probably more to avoid embarrassment than anything else. Guess they'll have to start from scratch and find a crappy economist who will tell them what they want to hear about the minimum wage but who doesn't have an embarrassing Geocities blog in their past. Good luck with that!


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