Bolton's Mustache Walks Into White House. Wonkagenda For Mon., April 9, 2018

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Jeff Sessions has tapped a US attorney from Chicago to sort through all the paperwork in cases involving HER EMAILS, Carter Page, and Andy McCabe.

John Bolton starts his job as Trump's third national security advisor today, and some people are already calling it a "Baptism by Fire." [Archive]

National Security Council spokesman Michael Anton wil walk away from Trump's White House. John Bolton's mustache will just have to find something else to eat.

Steve Scalise and Kevin McCarthy are lurking in the shadows and building support for a simultaneous run at the Speaker's gavel...that's IF Paul Ryan fucks off to Wisconsin after the midterms.

Republicans might be bailing on the House and hedging their bets; Mitch McConnell is spearheading an effort for Republicans to maintain control in the Senate.

Florida Man and Republican Gov. Rick Scott has (finally) announced his Senate run against Bill Nelson.

The Kushner family has "struck a deal to buy out" one of their partners at 666 Fifth Avenue, but nobody is sure where they got the money.

By retweeting conspiracy theories and using social media to advance radical fringe groups and falsehoods, DJTJ has become the ambassador for basement-dwelling compulsive mastorbators in tin foil hats.

A sketchy former doctor who married his stepdaughter and had his medical license suspended multiple times was appointed to head the state's Rural Health Task Force by Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller. Naturally, he promoted his own business. That's why he calls himself "The Maverick Doctor."

There was a fire in Trump Tower over the weekend, and a man died because the building lacks fire sprinklers. Per usual, Trump took to Twitter to brag about his "well built building."

After (another) chemical weapons attack targeting civilians in Syria, Trump tweeted mean things about Assad and Putin. Early this morning missiles struck a major air base in central Syria, and Russia and Syria are blaming Israeli fighter jets. Sigh.

The UN is hosting a conference of governments and advocates pushing for a ban on killer robots, but some Western nations are pretty sure they can keep Skynet from becoming self-aware.

Viktor Orban won reelection as Hungary's prime minister. Foreign policy analysts fear that Orban's anti-EU, anti-Muslim and anti-immigrant platform will only encourage other awful garbage people to crawl out of the shit pile.

Stormy Daniels and her lawyer are back(!) to set the record straight about Trump's baby dick, Twitter trolls, and her sex-capades.

A new analysis from Politico finds that Trump's vote margin was higher in "news deserts." After people in fly-over country cut newspapers from their budget, they became more susceptible to social media fuckery. Side NoteNate Silver is bitchy that someone encroaching on his turf.

Fox News's Howard Kurtz was talking to conservative pollster Frank Luntz about fake news outlets and accidentally aired a graphic showing Fox as the least trusted source. [Video]

Fox News is rolling out the red carpet for Laura Ingraham and all the advertisers who ran away after she criticized victims of the Parkland shootings.

The Denver Post staff has sent out a call for support as the paper hits door steps amid deep cuts and layoffs from shady New York "vulture capitalists."

Facebook has spent the past few weeks trying to squash bad PR in the wake of the Cambridge Analytica clusterfuck, and as Zuck is being force fed talking points so that he doesn't embarrass himself in front of congress, Facebook will start notifying users that it's done goof'd on your privacy.

Over 20 watchdog groups are accusing Google and Youtube of tracking children across the web, and they're calling on the FTC to investigate what could be an earth shattering amount of COPPA violations. WHOA, IF TRUE!

And here's your morning Nice Time! RAYS!

Are you a fairly regular Wonkette reader and have had a nagging little voice for some time saying “you should throw Wonkette a buck every month”? That is called your conscience. Listen to it! It's right sometimes! 

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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