Bono Now So Lame Even North Dakotans Spurn Him
North Dakota's legislature proved that it was totally in favor of everyone in Africa dying of AIDS while owing rich people money by defeating a vote to honor Bono for his humanitarian work. The measure was sponsored by Rep. Scot Kelsh, who will always associate the The Unforgettable Fire with those days in college when he stayed up late talking with his friends about things that really mattered, man.
Kelsh's immediate motivation for the doomed symbolic gesture offers a revealing look into the weird world of state legislatures: he read an article in a magazine published by the National Conference of State Legislatures pointing out that no state legislature had honored Bono yet. This surely must be the most awesome magazine ever published, with features like "U.S. Congressmen: They're just like us!" and "Maryland's Sexiest House of Assembly Members" and the like.
Legislators who rejected the measure offered the reasonable explanation that Bono had no connection whatsoever to the state that elected them, but inside sources say that they were still aggravated about that song in the damn iPod commercial where the Irish philanthropist/hero keeps shouting "Yeah yeah yeah yeah" and thrusting his face at the camera.