Boring Ol' Congressional Corruption Case NOW WITH HOOKERS
Yes! We haven't heard anything interesting about Abramoff in days, Fitzgerald is taking his sweet-ass time, and gas prices are the lamest hot button issue we can think of, so thank god for Duke Cunningham:
Federal prosecutors are investigating whether two contractors implicated in the bribery of former Rep. Randall "Duke" Cunningham supplied him with prostitutes and free use of a limousine and hotel suites, pursuing evidence that could broaden their long-running inquiry.
Besides scrutinizing the prostitution scheme for evidence that might implicate contractor Brent Wilkes, investigators are focusing on whether any other members of Congress, or their staffs, may also have used the same free services, though it isn't clear whether investigators have turned up anything to implicate others. [Emphasis ours]
Oh please please please please please say other members of Congress "used" the same "services." Hell, say all of them did. Oh man, we are excited about Congress again. People, FBI agents have "fanned out across Washington, interviewing women from escort services" -- this truly is the best of all possible worlds. AND THEY MIGHT'VE DONE IT IN THE WATERGATE!
Mitchell Wade, for telling investigators that you provided a congressman with hookers, limos, and rooms at the Watergate, you are an American Hero. We salute you, corrupt contractor, and hope there are plenty more where you came from.
A couple others who were the beneficiaries of Brent Wilkes generosity -- financial and maybe, just maybe, otherwise:
* Appropriations Committee Chairman Jerry Lewis
* Rep. John T. Doolittle (received more money than Cunningham!)
* Schwarzenegger (though he probably doesn't need a contractor to get him a hooker)
* Duncan Hunter
* (OMG OMG) KATHERINE HARRIS
(some of those recipients have "given back" the tainted money to charities -- but as we all know, you can't give back a night in heaven)