Bradlee Dean: Gay Marriage Results In Plague Of Rocks, Rabies
Since you read Wonkette, you are probably a ghey or a ghey-lover, so you probably reacted with a range of emotions from "cool" to "ABOUT FUCKING TIME HELL YEAH" to the news that Minnesota'sgone gay all of a sudden. What you probably did not do is gnash your teeth and rend your garments about how God will strike errrebody down for the having the married buttsecks or not caring if anyone else has the married buttsecks. No worries, though, because Wonkette's best friend Bradlee Dean has that freakout covered:
Minnesota-based Religious Right activist/rock star Bradlee Dean went ballistic on his radio show yesterday in response to his state’s new marriage equality law. Dean warned that Gov. Mark Dayton, who signed the same-sex marriage bill into law, is at “war with God” and is “about to find out what it’s like as to what the fallout is when you throw rocks towards God, he’s going to learn how gravity works.”
Before we get started, please give a big hand to Right Wing Watch for listening to this whole radio show so we do not have to. God's work, people. Speaking of God, is the God throwing rocks back at you a Bible thing? We are too lazy to look it up. Does God just let gravity do its work and let the rocks drop back to earth and ping you on the noggin? Does God step up his game and drop boulders on you? Maybe God just goes full metal jacket and cuts you down in a hail of bullets while screaming "my Uzi weighs a ton." OK so God's gonna throw rocks, literally or metaphorically, at the Great Lakes state. Got it. But that's not all, folks! Apparently, gay people also give you rabies!
“The conservatives on the airwaves in Minneapolis are sitting there playing games with the homosexuals because they think it’s a puppy to be played with when in fact it’s a stinking water rat filled with rabies,” he concluded.
You know what? There's really nothing weirder we can say than "stinking water rat filled with rabies." Seriously. So we'll just explain Bradlee Dean's fancy new math: man+man OR woman+woman = rabies, and wait for him to sue us for quoting him. Bring it, Bradlee.