Brave Christian Football Coach Eated By Lions
Bobble thy head in memory of Me.
A high school assistant sportsball coach in Bremerton, Washington, had a nice chat with the Almighty, who told him that, despite orders to cut it out, he needs to keep praying on the 50-yard line following every game, because God is kind of weird about shit like that.
Last month, Bremerton High School administrators instructed assistant coach Joe Kennedy to knock it off with the on-field praying, because of some obscure document they claimed was the Constitution of the United States, as well as the establishment clause of the First Amendment. He gave it a try for a time, instead delivering a post-game inspirational speech (perhaps from Sarah Palin's new "book" of inspirationality), but apparently that just didn't please the Lord.
So at last Friday's game, Kennedy went onto the field to pray -- as specified in the Book of Jocks -- and then, a MIRACLE HAPPENED! Or at least that's how CNN described it, in Hallmark Channel prose:
As Joe Kennedy knelt to pray at the 50-yard-line Friday night he felt a presence around him.
And it grew.
The assistant football coach at Bremerton High School in Washington state was being joined by some of his opponents and fans — some of whom had come to the game to pray with him.
After the Knights’ homecoming loss to the Centralia Tigers, Kennedy walked to the middle of the football field, hoping to say his usual thanks to God by himself.
He had been told not to do it. The Bremerton School District had said if he prayed while on duty as a coach he would be violating federal law.
Kennedy, as he has done after most games for seven years, prayed anyway, defying the order. He opened his eyes to find a huge crowd of supporters around him.
Gosh, what a brave, brave man, praying in public in a majority-Christian community where Christians nonetheless feel oppressed by the founding document of their nation.
Kennedy got all choked up as he old reporters about the Miracle on The 50-Yard Line (there's your title, Hallmark):
I’ve got my eyes closed and I feel all these people around me. I’m like, God, I hope those aren’t kids...I’m sitting there and I’m going, "God, thank you for this opportunity. And … if this is the last time I step on the field with these guys...”
Now, some might say Kennedy's religious exhibitionism is not exactly in the spirit of Christ's admonition in Matthew 6:5-6, which warns:
5 "When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. 6 "But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you...
But that really doesn't apply to kneeling in the middle of a football field, which is neither a synagogue nor a closet. Still, the school administration noticed and told him leading prayers on school grounds is pretty much begging for a lawsuit, so stop that. In the Hallmark movie, the administrators will be played by whey-faced men and women who have always been cast as villains. Never mind what the Supreme Court thinks about school prayer -- those justices aren't Jesus.
The Texas-based Liberty Institute involved itself, sending the school a letter arguing that since Kennedy waited until the end of the game to pray, telling him to stop violates his religious freedom. The school contends that until the players are changed out of their uniforms and out of the locker room, Kennedy is still on the clock, and his praying is an unlawful promotion of religion by the school. Yr Wonkette is not a lawyer, but it sounds to us like the school has the stronger claim there.
While some parents are overjoyed someone is finally making a stand for Christianity, which is oppressed like you wouldn't believe, at least one dad was annoyed by Kennedy's grandstanding:
I know it’s a downer to my daughter who’s one of the cheerleaders here. 'Cause it’s not about the fun of homecoming and the dance and everything else.
The Lord Jesus Christ had no comment on the situation, although an open mic caught Him chuckling to an archangel that he'd had money on Centralia all along.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.