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Brave Lobbyist Mauled By Angry Republican Deer

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Sweet lordJesus, Gilbert Genn must love lobbying more than life. This proud lobbyist and former Maryland state delegate was leaving his house in Gaithersburg to go walk his dog and the next thing you know a terrifying deer wandered into his yard and started ramming him in the groin with its Antlers of Doom. And do you know what this valiant Democrat did? He tended to the bloody wound with a frigging BINDER CLIP so that he could go lobby the Maryland House Speaker. (After the meeting he finally dragged his bloody ass to the hospital.)


Oh and this awful deer, which rammed him thrice and appeared not to care very much for his dog, Yuffie?

"Not to get too partisan, but I'm convinced it was a Republican deer, because it happened right where we had our Obama sign. And all the deer could do was attack, attack, attack. So it had to be a Republican deer."

Ha ha, jokester. Now Gilbert Genn has to endure an agonizing series of rabies shots -- a normal precaution for anyone with the misfortune of being attacked by a Republican.

Local lobbyist repeatedly stabbed by wild buck [WTOP News]

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Cripes the News has been awful lately! And so Yr Editrix suggested we find some good, positive news. Especially after we pitched writing a Wonket about this Mother Jones story on how global warming may be killing the whales, even though Donald Trump knows their prince. (Reply: "Nope. FOR SURE NOT THAT.") And so, as a reminder that a gooder world is possible and apropos of nothing at all that definitely didn't set your Editrix off on Twitter, where she has been stewing and bitching most shrillfully about the 2016 election and the 2020 election and any terrible similarities thereof and thereupon and therefore and thereto, we present a collection of videos of Elizabeth Warren yelling at big banks and calling for them to be broken up and their criminal operators to go to jail. Puppies and kittens will only get you so far, after all.

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