BREAKING: Bill Clinton Turns Down Chance To Hang Out With Jeri Thompson
Bored and frustrated by life in Sacramento's golden cage, California First Lady Maria Shriver has decided to invite a bunch of potential first ladies to a big gabfest tomorrow! They'll do their nails, talk about boys, and gamely try to promote their husbands' candidacies while they die inside by degrees! So if that's the sort of thing that does it for you, you'll want to stop by the First Lady's Conference on Women at the Long Beach Convention Center. Elizabeth Edwards, Michelle Obama, Jeri Thompson, Cindy McCain, and Ann Romney will be showing as many of their teeth as humanly possible while wearing some kind of pantsuit that looks professional but still feminine but not frivolous or lesbian-style professional. (Though we hope that the proximity to Hollywood will cause Jeri to forget herself and don some kind of red carpet-appropriate cleavage showcaser.)
"Don't call it a debate!" urges the New York Times' Caucus blog. That's because ladies don't like to argue, but would prefer to smile and make pleasantries while secretly plotting to undermine each other. The Times also points out that the confab will not cover "the finer points of tort reform." This is because, contrary to popular belief, the First Lady does not hold an elected position, nor does she actually have a role supervising the American legal system or trial lawyers as a profession.
None of Rudy's many current and former wives chose to attend to the event, presumably because everybody hates them and their husband. More surprisingly, and in a perhaps related note, Bill Clinton refused to fly out to California and schmooze with a bunch of bored political wives. Bored political reporters are urged to speculate wildly about the secret Clinton-Nathan love nest.