Breaking: It Takes Nearly $5 Million to Keep Cheney Alive

Dick Cheney doesn't want to reveal how much shit he's classifying (all of it) and how much he's declassifying (ha ha ha), so the other week he said something about not actually being part of the executive branch. Now the White House says the President's office isn't part of the executive branch either, which means that we're pretty sure Rahm Emanuel must be the Chief Executive? Or Scalia? Peggy Noonan?

Now the Democrats are one step closer to making good on their threat to stop funding the Vice President's rogue, free-floating office of no fixed branch. A Senate approps panel refused to grant Cheney's office the $4.8 million it takes to maintain the thousands of industrial cooling units that keep the Vice President's radioactive exoskeleton from overheating, cooking his decrepit innards like a slab of roadkill in the desert sun. Should his body temperature rise above 90 degrees, all of Northwest DC would be incinerated in the resulting firestorm. Ye gods, let the man say he's in whatever branch of government he wants, Durbin, can't you see there are thousands of lives on the line???

Panel Moves to Cut Off Funds to Cheney [AP via Yahoo]


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