BREAKING: LEVI AND BRISTOL BACK ON, TRUE LOVE STILL POSSIBLE
Americans are absolutely shattered over thetawdry end of the Gores' marriage, and need affirmation that love is still possible, because otherwise the whole country's going to turn to alcohol and cutting to restore meaning to life. Well, good news, everyone! High school dropout Levi Johnston and successful motivational speaker Bristol Palin have decided to reclaim the title of "Americas Sweethearts" that Al and Tipper so cavalierly threw away, according to the unimpeachable investigative journalists at Us Magazine!
So, who do you suppose was the one driving a wedge between these obviously made-for-each-other love birds? Who? Oh, go on, guess!
"Bristol and Levi are still very close," a source close to Bristol, 19, tells Us. The eldest daughter to former Alaskan Gov. Sarah Palin claimed in the June issue of Harper's Bazaar that ex Johnston, 20, was "a stranger to me."
But the source reveals, "Now that Mama Palin is out of the picture and Bristol is on her own in Anchorage, they spend more time together than most people think."
Ha ha, Sarah Palin is too busy trying to grift her way into Margaret Thatcher's will to regulate her daughter's sexual behavior! (Two years ago she was too busy trying to run the state of Alaska in a conscientious fashion to do so, obviously.)
But wait, maybe the pair is just trying to spend more time together with li'l Tripp?
Adds the source: "Levi even stays overnight. I even think they are back together."
OH SNAP THEY'RE TOTALLY DOIN' IT!
Unlike every other idiot teenage couple who got knocked up in America, Bristol and Levi have publicists who talk to the national media when their romantic status changes. Bristol told "Good Morning America" that "Levi and I are turning a new page here as co-parents to this wonderful boy and putting aside the past because doing so is in Tripp's best interest." Levi's manager, Tank Jones (wait, what?) told the AP that "the two are spending more time together for their son's sake. But Jones says they're not back together." TRANSLATION: They are totally back together. SWOON! (Thanks to hopeless romantic "cpcates" for the tip!) [Us/ABC/AP]