Nikki Haley: Inciting Capitol Riot 'Not Great', Would Only Give It Three Stars On Yelp

Nikki Haley: Inciting Capitol Riot 'Not Great', Would Only Give It Three Stars On Yelp

The House of Representatives on Monday sent the Senate its second annual article of impeachment for the previous White House occupant. Republicans are already defending their client on a technicality: The insurrectionist in chief is no longer president so, really, why bother.


Former Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker declared on Twitter that “The U.S. Senate cannot convict a former President." He repeated the sentence multiple times like he was stuck in the Overlook Hotel and was just an axe away from murdering his family.

Florida Senator Marco Rubio called impeachment a “waste of time," like searching for his conscience. Democrats are just out for blood because five people are dead. This is nothing more than a “show," he claims, for the “Political Entertainment Industry." To borrow from Groucho Marx, Rubio might talk like an idiot and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: He really is an idiot. He's not extemporizing.These are carefully crafted GOP talking points that a clever myna bird taught Rubio to repeat.

Ohio Senator Rob Portman, who's not running for re-election in 2022, is nonetheless toeing the party line. He claims he's strictly interpreting the Constitution, which makes it clear that former presidents are untouchable, like made men in the mob.

Portman told CNN's Manu Raju: "As I look at the Constitution it says that impeachment is for removal and keeping someone from running for office again, not or."

Yep, they're not even trying to argue that the previous occupant isn't guilty as 10-year-old SER with the Vanessa Williams edition of Penthouse.

Monday night, former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley made her sorry-ass appeal to MAGA on Laura Ingraham's white power hour. She shredded whatever dignity she has left just so she can come in fourth in the 2024 South Carolina GOP primary behind Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, and the woman who stole Nancy Pelosi's laptop.

January 6th was a tough day. The actions of the president since Election Day were not his finest.

That's ... an understatement.

It troubles me greatly because I am proud of the successes of the Trump Administration. Those were the right policies.

That's not relevant. I enjoyed Miramax films from the 1990s, but that doesn't mean Harvey Weinstein deserved a pass for his crimes.

The actions of the president post-Election Day were not great. What happened on January 6th was not great. Does he deserve to be impeached? Absolutely not.

President Coup Coup spent his lame duck period trying to overturn a free and fair election. He pressured election officials and legislators. He defamed and attacked anyone who resisted his illegal requests. People received death threats for just doing their jobs. He promoted a hate rally on January 6 and incited a violent mob that stormed the Capitol.

Yet Haley, supposedly a serious person who believes in “law and order," is responding to a domestic terror attack like it's a hamburger that wasn't terrible but maybe a little overcooked, a little dry. That's quite a shift from just four months ago.

If we're holding the MAGA mob accountable for the January 6 siege, we should also make their leader “an example for the community."

Haley claimed there's no basis for impeachment, which is absurd, and then she whined some more about her poor, abused criminal president.

They will bring about impeachment, yet they say they are for unity.

I am so goddamn tired of Republican hypocrites invoking "unity." Say “unity" again! I double dare you.

They beat him up before he got into office. They are beating him up after he leaves office. At some point, give the man a break.

Literally all President Sore Loser had to do was concede to real President Joe Biden on November 7 like a normal person. The "radical Left" didn't force him to undermine democracy for two months.

Haley believes this gibberish will work, but the previous occupant is an unrepentant sociopath. He's not going to invoke the blowjob defense of “I showed poor judgment. Please forgive me."

Republicans are gambling a lot on the idea that the 45th president won't try to become the 47th. Iowa Senator Joni Ernst agreed that the mob king “exhibited poor leadership and holds some responsibility for the anarchy that ensued." He didn't burn the canapés before a dinner party. Ernst is admitting that he's unfit for office, but because he's out of office now, impeachment is just a “tool for political revenge against a private citizen."

However, the creature that once squatted in the White House isn't sitting in Mar-a-Lago alone, an abject figure. He's plotting his next move. He's already established an "office of the former president" that will “carry on" his agenda. If Republicans weren't a bunch of crooks or cowards or cowardly crooks (take your pick), they would treat the former president as the current threat he is. Too bad they're so soft on terrorism.


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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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