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BREAKING: SOMETHING VAGUE AND THREATENING

From the inbox, MOMENTS AGO:


Word on the street is that something is going down at the State Department, and CIA employees are bracing themselves for a long night.

I heard this from a CIA employee who canceled our dinner plans. I don't know anything else.

Because the Street is seldom wrong about these things, we've decided to take it upon ourselves to write the enticing slug that will appear above your favorite news website within the hour. Sure, we have no idea what's going on, but some sources on "the street" suggest:

  • US BOMBS TERROR HOTSPOT ENGLAND

  • LIQUIDS BANNED THROUGHOUT DISTRICT -- ROCK CREEK STANDOFF ENTERS 14TH GRUELING HOUR

  • OH SHIT! TERROR!

  • RAOUL CASTRO EMERGES: JUST FIDEL WITH GLASSES

  • KATHERINE HARRIS AHEAD IN POLL

  • WITNESS: SIKHS ON A PLANE
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