BREAKING: Stupidest Man On Internet DESTROYS Roy Moore Pedo Claims With Some Rando's Tweets
Mean? Maybe to Butt-Head.
Hey, everybody, looks like Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, has found the key to dismantling the accusations against Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore! In a story cautiously labeled "just a report at this time -- We will post any updates," Hoft breathlessly passes on several tweets posted by some Trump-loving rando who has the best "friend of a friend of cousin's hairdresser" takedown of the lying liars at the Washington Post, who probably do this stuff all the time:
This is so totally real-sounding! Hoft notes the Tweeter guy's bona fides:
A Navy veteran who served 22 years for his country and then served in the Secret Service claims a family friend who lives in Alabama told his wife that a Washington Post reporter “named Beth” approached her and offered her THOUSANDS to accuse Judge Roy Moore of inappropriate sexual advances!
Hoft posts the subsequent exciting Tweets, noting that LAW ENFORCEMENT is on the case!
Then, before posting one more tweet, Hoft notes how smart these folks are to stay local, because, in boldface and caps, certain federal agencies have been corrupted by the Deep State:
They went to the local DA instead of the FBI because EVERYONE today knows the FBI and DOJ has been compromised and cannot be trusted.
We find that... unlikely? Also, if you're a super-smart Internet Detective, you might note that one of the three authors of the WaPo story is named Beth! We can't say her last name because we don't want to be arrested either! But we did email her to ask what she thought of this lunacy; we won't be surprised if we don't hear back, because can you imagine what her inbox looks like at the moment? Eesh.
UPDATE: We heard back from a spokesperson from the Washington Post, who said, "The accusation against The Post is categorically false. We have an explicit policy that prohibits paying sources."
That's not nearly as much fun as a message from the "reporter named Beth" calling Jim Hoft a disengenuous shithead, but we suppose we've already taken care of that.
We also left a message for the Etowah County DA's office in Alabama, where nobody's answering the phone just now, either, not that we blame them.
So far, The Stupidest Man on the Internet hasn't offered any updates, but he has posted another dumb blog post explaining that right-wing talker Mark Levin has "totally exposed the Washington Post hit piece today on Judge Roy Moore as a complete manufactured lie."
You just can't refute solid, factual evidence like this, now can you?
Levin might have offered some actual facts, rather than just saying it doesn't make sense, but that might get him thrown out of the Hercule Poirot Investigative Journalists' League.
And just one more thing ... wait, that's Columbo. Never mind.
UPDATE: OK, but in true Columbo style, we DO have just one more thing: WaPo's Dave Weigel notes that the Twitter rando, who is definitely not a Russian bot, can't seem to keep track of how many Purple Hearts he has:
Tip of the Wonkette Leather Kitten Headgear to "Patrick Coady" on Twitter
OK, that's really all, I'm sorry to have bothered you. But why would a man not remember how many times he'd been wounded? I just keep turning that over in my head. It's probably nothing.
FINAL UPDATED UPDATE: Yeah, that "@umpire43" account has been deleted altogether.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.