BREAKING: Voters Overwhelmingly Prefer When Their Governors Don’t Try To Kill Them
The Washington Post released a poll yesterday, and the findings are only shocking if you're one of those "Give Me A Haircut And Literally Give Me Death!" covidiots. Americans overwhelmingly prefer politicians who don't want them to die or use them as “control groups" in “reopen NOW!" experiments that could lead to their deaths. The pro-death electorate is an astroturf-stuffed minority.
Sensible Democratic governors and the one Republican — Ohio's Mike DeWine — enjoy broad bipartisan support for the efforts they've taken to slow COVID-19's spread. Who knew tyranny was so hip? Significantly less popular are the Republican governors who've offered their constituents the freedom to have their lungs melt. Just 39 percent of Georgia voters approve of Gov. Brian Kemp compared to DeWine's 86 percent approval. They've had almost a full month to enjoy their fancy haircuts and corona-tainted tattoos, but Kemp is still sinking like a stone. Republicans can't physically distance themselves from the stench: A poll from a pro-Kemp group (someone has to be) shows that Joe Biden and Donald Trump are in a statistical tie ... in Georgia.
Almost 8 out of 10 voters approve of California and New York governors Gavin Newsom and Andrew Cuomo. Yes, those are wacky liberal states, but the governors of our largest red states aren't receiving rave reviews. Texas Gov. Greg Abbott has just 57 percent approval and Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis is at 60 percent. Those seem respectable, but Texas is 16.9 points more Republican than the rest of the nation. Tofu has higher approval ratings than Abbott.
Some monsters online have proposed “lynching" Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer because of her stay-at-home executive orders. Armed goons have also shown up at the Capitol requesting an audience. Nevertheless, she persists with 71 percent approval. In June of last year, Whitmer's approval was around 50 percent. It dropped to 43 percent this January — partly in backlash to her signing an auto insurance reform bill. Despite the protests and the president's own personal attacks, Whitmer's popularity has only increased during this crisis. That's what happens when leaders are competent during a national disaster.
Despite a brief bump when optimistic voters thought Trump might have a functioning brain, the president's approval ratings are back at his consistently mediocre 43 percent — lousy for an incumbent up for reelection but disturbingly high for a lying buffoon who personally destroyed our way of life.
Fox News and conservative pundits on Twitter will continue to argue otherwise, but voters are fine with continued mitigation efforts because they trust medical experts like Dr. Anthony Fauci more than dime store hacks like Rand Paul. Only 25 percent of those polls demand that governors reopen businesses immediately for the economy's sake, even if COVID-19 infections spike and people needlessly suffer and die. There just aren't enough sociopaths to make this position politically viable.
It's not unusual for Republicans to only care about their base. They passed the tax scam. They tried to torch the Affordable Care Act. They confirmed Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. The majority of voters opposed their mad schemes. What's different now is that Republican voters are lukewarm on dying from the coronavirus. Only 50 percent of Republicans and Republican-leaning independents support businesses opening prematurely.
Ted Cruz might make a big show of getting his human-resembling hair cut at a Dallas, Texas, salon, but it doesn't look like there's that much consumer demand for that final haircut before the Zoom funeral. Republicans can't ignore science and polling forever, no matter how good it might feel to “own the libs."
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).