Bristol Palin Can Make Babies, Where's Her White House Invitation?

But anybody can make one of these

Look, it is Bristol Tits Palin, spreading her morning sickness across the interwebs again. Whatcha outraged about this time, Bristol, even though you hate "the politics of outrage"? Oh, just that President Obama invited teen science nerd and overnight American hero Ahmed Mohamed to the White House, to show off his nerd parts to the president.

Bristol is SOURPUSS MAD FACE at President Obama because he is President Obama and also "reasons" (like being President Obama):

This is the kind of stuff Obama needs to STAY out of. This encourages more racial strife that is already going on with the “Black Lives Matter” crowd and encourages victimhood.

The police made a mistake, clearly.

But why put more people against them? Why egg it on? Childish games like this from our president have divided our country… even more today than when he was elected.

Oh, Bristol, you poor dumb bastard. We know you'd prefer the president devote all his attention to fighting ISIS and the Chineses -- that is, when he's not being a lazy quitter grifter queen on the golf course HAW HAW HAW -- but trust us, Bristol, the president is perfectly capable of doing at least two things at a time, and completing both of them!

And since we know how the president loves him some science and especially kid science nerds, it's perfectly reasonable and right that he invited the clever teenager, who was wrongfully arrested for being a smart Muslim teenager, because of how all the grownups in his town are A Idiots, to come on over and show the president that cool clock what he made that is NOT A MUSLIM BOMB FOR DOING JIHAD TO IRVING, TEXAS, YOU IDIOTS.

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It seems to us, Bristol, honey, that really, you're just jealous. We know, we know, you'd hoped your Mama would invite you to the White House one day, when she was the vice whatever of it, but awww beer nuts, that didn't happen, did it? Have you ever made anything your own dumb self that might garner you an invitation to the White House? Let's consider:

  • You made a baby that one time, even though you were abstaining yourself from getting drunk-banged in the back of a truck until marriage. And then you made another one again, somehow! (It was from doing sex, Bristol. Look it up. That's how that happens.) But baby-making is not that hard. Just look at your mom, she squirted out a whole passel of you, and she is dumber than a kidney stone. It's especially not hard to make babies if you have no idea how to not make babies. (It is from doing sex, Bristol, like we just told you.) We do not think accidental baby-making is worthy of an invitation to the White House. Sorry. What else have you made with your life?
  • One time you made a reality TV show. Is it hard to make a reality TV show? It doesn't seem hard. You just do some dumbs, say some dumbs, and voila! You made a reality TV show thing! And so long as nobody ever finds out your family is hiding dirty secrets about the eldest son finger-diddling his sisters in their little girl hoo-has, you can keep making lots of money doing reality TV. Are you still making a reality TV show, Bristol? No? OK, never mind. Next!
  • Oh, there was that time you and your snowbilly trash family made the police come break up your barefoot drunken brawl. And you made them talk to all the neighbors about how you and your family are a bunch of trashy drunken brawlers. Maybe the president could invite you to show him how you brawl so good? Except then your Mama would probably accuse him of pallin' around with common thugs, so maybe not.
  • What else, what else, there must be something you have made, with your life. A blog? You made a blog. And you make us laugh, all the time, at the blog you made. But the president is probably too busy golfing to read your blog. Too bad.

Hmm yeah. After a brief skim of your life's accomplishments thus far, we have decided that you, Bristol, are no Ahmed Mohamed. You could go back to school and learn how to do science -- real science, not the virgin birth mythology nonsense your dumb mom learned you -- and then maybe you too could be a science nerd and make cool science things and impress the president, and he will say, "Hey, Bristol, you made a thing that is impressive, come show me how!"

Or you could just keep making a fool of yourself on the interweb. Yeah, that seems more your style.

[Bristol's "Blog"]


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