Bristol Palin Takes Break From ISIS Battle To Slob Trump's Knob
Bristol is here with the final word on ALL THIS BUSINESS.
Attention, everyone, for Our Lady Of However Many Immaculate Conceptions, Bristol Palin, has taken to the blogotubes to discuss how the media is doing all the liberal censorship crimes to our prince and Palin family hero Donald Trump, just because he said Megyn Kelly did a bad job moderating that debate due to profuse bleeding from her "wherever." It's a bad situation because, for one thing, Bristol is way too busy to be commenting on such things, but WHEN HER NATION CALLS, she answers. Today, we will be discussing "decency," or Bristol's concept of it at least. Take it away, Mama Morals:
By now you’ve undoubtedly heard that there’s a guy named Erick Erickson, of RedState, who disinvited Donald Trump from a gathering of conservatives because, as he put it, “there are even lines blunt talkers and unprofessional politicians should not cross. Decency is one of those lines.”
Want to learn some “lessons in sexual and political decency” from Erickson? Here are three:
1. Erickson’s RedState once used a demeaning fake photo (wearing a revealing shirt with Santa Claus) of my Mom for an attack article on her. Erickson refused to take it down even after he was made aware that it was photoshopped.
2. He once called Supreme Court justice David Souter “the only goat fucking child molester to ever serve on the Supreme Court.”
She also posts a tweet of Erickson saying it was really cool how Fox News let Donald Trump come on to say mean gross things about Rosie O'Donnell, and you know what? Bristol is CORRECT about this. Erick Erickson is a sexist fucking pig (but not a "pig fucker," because yr Wonkette has class and won't stoop to Erickson's level), and this whole "Oh, Donald Trump has crossed the line this time!" thing is not because Erickson or Fox News or any other male wingnut suddenly has "standards" about what's OK to say to lady humans. This is politics, probably because Fox News and the RNC are real scared about how their plans for 2016 are flailing wildly out of control.
Anyway, now to the parts about Bristol's blog post that are dumb and stupid (i.e., "the rest of it"):
I don’t endorse everything Donald Trump says or does… Mainly because I actually have to work for a living and I don’t pay as much attention to politics as professional pundits. But I know that I hate the “politics of outrage” that people engage in.
SHE WORKS FOR A LIVING, YOU GUYS. She cannot possibly endorse all of Donald Trump's actions, because that would require her to have the free time to pay attention to every little thing, and how can she do that when she's "earning" hundreds of thousands of ameros for the "hard work" of telling little girls how to do abstinence, and also losing dancing contests on the TV, all while getting knocked up repeatedly, by her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Far be it from a lowly mommyblog and recipe hub like Wonkette to suggest Bristol might have a bad habit of not practicing what she preaches, by fucking men repeatedly outside of a covenant marriage.
And hey, maybe she got a "job" we don't know about, let's see what else in the blog post might give us a clue about that:
We only have so many opportunities to hear from the fifty million candidates who are apparently running for President. And we get the Fox moderators asking questions that the New York Times applauds? Please. Let’s don’t use the Democratic “war on women” talking points when we have ISIS to worry about.
SHE IS WORRYING ABOUT ISIS. Maybe she is fighting them, with stilettos on the ground? Is this why she had to cancel the wedding with Dakota or whatever western state he's named after? DID SHE GET A DRAFT NOTICE? As our Kaili so astutely pointed out, on the Twitter:
So goddamn you, Fox News, and goddamn you, Erick Erickson, for distracting Bristol from both the vagaries of war, and also regular pregnancy checkups, to have to comment on something so jejune as whether Fox News, Erick Erickson or Donald Trump is the biggest lady-hating sexist.
The answer, as Bristol's mommy would say, is "ALL OF THEM KATIE." Because remember all those times Fox News did sexism to Mama Grizzly Palin's whatevers? Bristol remembers, Bristol will never forget:
Back in 2010, Chris Wallace joked about having my Mom sit on his lap during an interview. In 2011, Roger Ailes said, “I hired Sarah Palin because she was hot and got ratings.”
Fox and Erickson need to get off their high horse on how outraged they are NOW about sexism and decency.
And now, having proven her point completely, is the time for Bristol to say, "
G.E.D. Q.E.D. MOTHERFUCKERS," put out her cigarette and take her ass back out on the battlefield to murder ISIS some more.