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Bristol Palin To Fulfill Her Destiny By Attending Arizona State

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TMZ has learned that America's greatest tabloid teenage prodigy, Bristol Palin, boughtthat giant foreclosed heap of architectural sin in exurban Arizona because she wants to attend America's finest institution of higher learnin', Arizona State, also known as "The Cambridge of the Great Air-Conditioned Desert." Sure, your editor, who went to a private university with its "standards" and "minuscule dropout rate," will make fun of Arizona State, as he just has, because he is a vile elitist with a history of "scholarships." But for twenty-year-olds of dubious academic achievement like Bristol, who flunked health class and thus had babies in high school and went on to receive a GED out of pity, Arizona State is Harvard. And their quidditch is getting black-out drunk, showing their tits, and getting raped by twenty or so frat boys in their slumber. Which is better than the dorkiness of quidditch, at least.


So far, no official word on which school the 20-year-old has her eye on ... but there are a few major clues.

Bristol just purchased a $172,000 home outside the Phoenix area -- which she paid for IN CASH! The home is just miles from the Arizona State University school of broadcasting ... a school that boasts one of the most state-of-the-art facilities in the country. Bristol has expressed an interest in public speaking.

Is that really how TMZ "has learned" this? Brainstorming what colleges are in Arizona and that seem like a good fit for her? Probably what we would have done, if we weren't so busy insinuating she will run for Congress.

Because really, Arizona State is Bristol's destiny (at least for the one year she spends there before dropping out, and the twelve subsequent years she takes online classes at home in an Alaska trailer park in order to graduate). She was born to go there, when you think about it for approximately a nanosecond. That school's entire history has been about cultivating a culture and identity that would make it the natural home of an infamous dolt teenage-mom reality-show quasi-celebrity. Mazel tov, you two. [TMZ]

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Bexar County -- Texas, of course -- Sheriff's Deputy Jose Nunez, 46, is facing a minimum of 25 years to life in prison if convicted of sexually abusing the child of an undocumented immigrant. Not only did he abuse the child, who he was reportedly related to, he also decided it would be a great idea to terrorize the mother by threatening to deport her if she told. Apparently too afraid to go to the police department, the mother went to the local fire station seeking help for her abused child.

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Associated Press via ABC- From Bexar County Sheriff's Office
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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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