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Bristol Palin Wants To Singlehandedly Murder Planned Parenthood, With Her Vagina

News

Noted debutante Bristol Palin, who became an unwilling postergirl for chastity and purity and second virginities and whatnot (second virginities are when you only give up the butt), has done posted a "thought" on the MyFace and her dumb religion blog, and honestly, she is probably plumb tuckered out from having itghostwritten for her.


What is echoing around Bristol Palin's perfectly zen uterus (that is where she keeps her brains) today?

Just a great big yeeeehaw and hallelujah that perhaps someday teen girls, like Bristol Palin herself was not too many minutes ago, might get the joy and blessing of being denied affordable care for their bits and their pieces, and also might get the chance to be supertotes knocked up, like she was, with her young son, to whom she does not actually pay that much attention, actually.

Really, take a moment and click back to that livebloog of her sad reality show, Life's a Tripp, and witness HOW MUCH SHE HATES BEING A MOM, like really, really HATES being a mom, because did you know you have to watch your kid like EVERY DAY? And besides, Bristol does not understand why all the other girls who get knocked up by a "fuckin' redneck" would not want to "choose life" like she did, especially when it's so fun and easy and profitable and besides, when "life" gets all tedious, you can just ship it off to Granny, if you believe this scurrilous no-good rag, so you can go out and flooze it up. (For the record: we are for floozing it up.)

So, girls, take a tip from Bristol Palin. (She is A Expert on parenting, after all.) Being a teen mom is the greatest thing and never leads to meth and sadness and always leads to getting to go on Dancing With The Stars, because that is just how shit works, today, in America.

[Patheos]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Poor People Are Mad As Hell, And They're Not Going to Take It Anymore.

The Poor People's Campaign marched on Washington, and we were there!

Culture Wars
by Dominic Gwinn

Yesterday the new Poor People's Campaign, led by Rev. William Barber and Rev. Dr. Liz Theoharis, concluded 40 days of protest and civil disobedience with a rally on the National Mall. Building off of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr's original Poor People's Campaign 50 years ago, the new campaign is aimed at uniting labor leaders with activists to build a coalition of all marginalized people

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The police have clearly failed to stop the scourge of black kids selling water to thirsty people, so your average law-abiding, permit-respecting white lady has no choice but to take matters into her own (did we mention they were white?) hands. You might call her a busybody gone power mad or a simple tool of racist micoaggression, but we just call her "Permit Patty."

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