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HEY Y'ALL


OH HEY WONKERS, WHAT IS SHAKING? We are fine, thank you for asking. So, it's Saturday and that means it's time for your weekly Top Ten list, which is full of all the bestest stories you clicked on the mostest, ranked by mathematicals.

SPEAKING OF NUMBERS, if you love your Wonkette and you love our stories and you appreciate it when we YELL AT SALON and stuff, please to click this link and throw $5, $10 or $25 at our faces, will ya? We work VERY hard for you, and we appreciate y'all very much, yes we do.

Oh look, making yet another appearance, it's Wonkette baby Donna Rose, BEING A LION WHO IS ASKING YOU TO DONATE GENEROUSLY. Yep, that is the official "donations" picture now.

Give or the lion will GET YOU.

Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!

1. This week's Off The Menu (the last installment on Wonkette, SADFACE, but don't worry, that Pinkham boy will still be writin' some stories here!) was about restaurant bosses who were TRULY FANTASTIC.

2. Those Bundy assholes added dicks to Indian petroglyphs in Oregon. Yr Wonkette likes dick jokes, but ahem. No.

3. Bristol Palin is WELL THE FUCK AWARE who has a penis and who has a vagina.

4. This is the guy who wants to keep North Carolina "straight." For real.

5. Texas school board candidate lady is pretty sure Pre-K programs turn children into little gay whores.

6. That gal who looks like Ted Cruz is willing to do porn for $10,000. Reminder: it's free to NOT watch it.

7. CNN steps on its own dick, wonders if Prince's death is good for Hillary and Trump.

8. Hey, which airline let a teen get molested on its plane like it's no big deal this time?

9. Ben Carson is SO MAD Obama sold Harriet Tubman into slavery all over again.

10. And finally, maybe THIS is why everybody hates Ted Cruz so much.

OK, Wonkers, you have one task left and this is it. You need to put Wonkette inside your sex box. JUST FOOLING, WE ARE NOT MAKING A PASS AT YOU. But you should put us in your EMAIL BOX. It is for a newsletter, where we send you the secret jokes and the recaps and the special promotions. We promise not to share your information with anybody! We are fierce protectors of your PRIVACY.

While you are putting Wonkette in your box (AND SCROLLING BACK UP TO GIVE US $5, $15, or $25 BUCKS IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY) here's a picture of yr Wonkette niece (who is totally a little girl now, and not just a dumb toddler) meeting a goat:

OK bye plz give us money.

Love,

Wonket

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

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Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

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