OH HEY WONKERS, WHAT IS SHAKING? We are fine, thank you for asking. So, it's Saturday and that means it's time for your weekly Top Ten list, which is full of all the bestest stories you clicked on the mostest, ranked by mathematicals.

SPEAKING OF NUMBERS, if you love your Wonkette and you love our stories and you appreciate it when we YELL AT SALON and stuff, please to click this link and throw $5, $10 or $25 at our faces, will ya? We work VERY hard for you, and we appreciate y'all very much, yes we do.

Oh look, making yet another appearance, it's Wonkette baby Donna Rose, BEING A LION WHO IS ASKING YOU TO DONATE GENEROUSLY. Yep, that is the official "donations" picture now.

Give or the lion will GET YOU.

Shall we now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé, ALLEGEDLY? Yes we shall!

1. This week's Off The Menu (the last installment on Wonkette, SADFACE, but don't worry, that Pinkham boy will still be writin' some stories here!) was about restaurant bosses who were TRULY FANTASTIC.

2. Those Bundy assholes added dicks to Indian petroglyphs in Oregon. Yr Wonkette likes dick jokes, but ahem. No.

3. Bristol Palin is WELL THE FUCK AWARE who has a penis and who has a vagina.

4. This is the guy who wants to keep North Carolina "straight." For real.

5. Texas school board candidate lady is pretty sure Pre-K programs turn children into little gay whores.

6. That gal who looks like Ted Cruz is willing to do porn for $10,000. Reminder: it's free to NOT watch it.

7. CNN steps on its own dick, wonders if Prince's death is good for Hillary and Trump.

8. Hey, which airline let a teen get molested on its plane like it's no big deal this time?

9. Ben Carson is SO MAD Obama sold Harriet Tubman into slavery all over again.

10. And finally, maybe THIS is why everybody hates Ted Cruz so much.

OK, Wonkers, you have one task left and this is it. You need to put Wonkette inside your sex box. JUST FOOLING, WE ARE NOT MAKING A PASS AT YOU. But you should put us in your EMAIL BOX. It is for a newsletter, where we send you the secret jokes and the recaps and the special promotions. We promise not to share your information with anybody! We are fierce protectors of your PRIVACY.

While you are putting Wonkette in your box (AND SCROLLING BACK UP TO GIVE US $5, $15, or $25 BUCKS IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY) here's a picture of yr Wonkette niece (who is totally a little girl now, and not just a dumb toddler) meeting a goat:

OK bye plz give us money.



Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Seattle People, looking spunky. We hate spunky.

It is Friday, Yr Wonkette's back end (that's website talk) has been cranky all afternoon like a digital babby that needs a nap, and we are all stuck in the stupidest timeline. The one way we know it's not actually hell is that there are still adorable doggies and kitties and sloths, no to mention toddlers preschoolers named Donna Rose, and of course you, you lovely wonderful readers of ourn. And if you're in Eastern Washington or its environs, you can come out to meet Yr Editrix, Yr Shypixel, and Yr one day Benevolent Monarch Donna Rose come this Sunday in the Evergreen State's second-largest city, Spokane!

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  • Saturday, Aug 11th ....... Seattle, WA
    Discovery Park, 4-7pm
  • Sunday, Aug 12th ....... Bellingham, WA
    Sunnyland Park, 2-5pm
  • Sunday, Aug 19th ....... Spokane, WA
    Audubon Park, 2-5pm

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