Bush Never Got To Name FedEx Guy As America's Top Warlord
Have you read all of Karl Rove's memoirMe, Poop, Trash, & Gargoyles and presented your findings to your fellow unemployment line decorations yet, at the Water Cooler? You have?? Lucky. Well then surely you remember the part where Rove reveals how George W. Bush kept trying to get Fred Smith, the FedEx shipping company CEO, to become Secretary of Defense constantly, because he was serious about wars and terror.
It was a long road to Robert Gates' Texas chateau in 2006, we learn:
It had to be a seamless move from the old secretary of defense to the new, and we couldn’t make that happen. That summer, I looked into whether FedEx CEO Fred Smith, Bush’s original choice for the post in 1999, was now available. He wasn’t.
Ha ha. As soon as Fred Smith learned that Rumsfeld was on the outs, he immediately hid and told his wife to disconnect the telephone. Because he ran a mail company! A MAIL COMPANY!
Why did Bush love this mailman so much? Probably because they were frat brothers at Yale, where George W. Bush met most people he knew. Fred Smith did serve in the Marines, though, so he would be the perfect candidate for privatizing the military, and what remained of the Postal Service.
MAIL MAN/SANTELLI '12.