Bush Presser Report, Meet the New Intern

Wonkette presents a special report from our new summer intern, Fred Becker. He is new to our planet but not to Washington; in his freakishly large head he carries the accumulated knowledge of three administrations, a photographic memory of who's who inside the Beltway, and a catalogue of women's field hockey tartans. He is twelve. Anyhow, he skipped his morning nap to bring you this:

I woke up especially early to catch the president’s 10:45 press conference today. But then, just as it was getting underway, the local authorities broke in with an emergency broadcast alert with all that high pitched whining and “this is only a test.” I found the interruption redundant. I thought the press conference was an emergency alert. “Help,” the President said, “I’m here with these flags in the Rose Garden because my approval rating is in the toilet. Not the Koran, mind you, but my approval rating.”


 By the time I'd switched channels it seemed particularly surreal, with Bush going on about bondage and weather patterns and new definitions of words I thought I knew: “You can tie up anything in the United States Senate if you want to….little babies called snowflakes …disassemble: that means they don’t tell the truth. ” So take your fetishes to Bill Frist, your babies to Frosty and Laura, and live with the fact that the word a day calendar Bush got for his birthday has only confused him.


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