Bush to Illegals: "Tienan un exit strategy, hombres!"
Everyone knows our borders are easier to get into than Tara Reid's asswrap, but finally our president is doing something about it. Or as The Daily Telegraph puts it, "Soft Bush vows to expel all illegal migrants." (Why are we thinking of Bangkok bar girls all the sudden?)
Actually, it's not "all" illegal immigrants. "You see, we got people sneaking into our country to work," President Bush revealed to reporters yesterday. "They want to provide for their families. Family values do not stop at the Rio Grande River. People are coming to put food on the table." They're also coming to bus those tables, and to mow lawns and stuff. And those illegals ought to be able to stay, the president believes, because family values aren't just about keeping gay people from getting married -- they're also about ensuring a highly elastic supply of unskilled labor.
Still, the illegals who come here just to enjoy our well-manicured soccer fields and the great deals at Taco Bell? They've gotta vamoose! If they don't, Bush says, we will hunt them and "return every single [one of them], with no exceptions." And if there's one thing Hurricane Katrina taught us, it's this: the federal government is totally great at finding poor people -- even the ones hiding out on rooftops under the camouflage-like cover of "Please Save Me!" signs. Illegals, your days are numbered. — GREG BEATO
Soft Bush vows to expel all illegal migrants [Daily Telegraph]
President Signs Homeland Security Appropriations Act [White House]