Bush to Undergo Colonoscopy: What Do You Need to Know?

That is the headline at foodconsumer.org (finally, a website for us!), who understand that you may be concerned about the president's upcoming procedure. We've summarized their guidance, after the jump.


What are colon polyps?

A polyp is this thing, kind of like an elf, but not like the cute Dennis Kucinich kind of elf, an ugly little mean-spirited elf. They live in your body and feed on MSG. Here, this look at this picture:

Wait, that's where the liver is?? - Wonkette

That's a polyp. As you can see, they are vaguely humanoid, but with invisible skin and broken necks.

Are polyps dangerous?

MY GOD YES YES THE POLYPS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE GET OUT NOW

Kids, if you eat broccoli, you will get cancer - Wonkette

Polyps sometimes disguise themselves as trees.

Who gets polyps?

Jews.

John Edwards and Jimmy Carter - Wonkette

Jews

What are the symptoms?

* moodiness

* distemper

* torture

* bleeding from the anus

* malaise

How does the doctor test for polyps?

Oh, look, The West Wing is on - Wonkette

When you are sleeping the doctor breaks into your house and turns your TV to the Discovery Health Channel. Then, Donald Pleasance, Raquel Welsh, and Isaac Asimov shrink themselves and journey in a tiny submarine into your body where they fight The Cavity Creeps with lasers.

Who should get tested for polyps?

Where do I sign, Satan! - Wonkette

Vincent Pastore

How are polyps treated?

GROSS - Wonkette

Oh man you don't even want to know.

How can I prevent polyps?

Dupont Circle - Wonkette

Become a homosexual.

Bush to undergo colonoscopy: What you need to know? [Foodconsumer.org]

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