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Bush's Energy Plan: A Closer Look

vw.jpgPresident Bush did a pretty good job of not explaining his plans to overhaul Social Security last night, but he did an even better job of not explaining his proposed energy bill. How exactly will his plan reduce energy costs? After the jump, we consider the President's strategy in greater detail.


Build new nuclear power plants: Studies show that old VW hippie wagons account for approximately 17% of all gas usage in the U.S. The fastest way to get these ozone-killers off the road is to build new nuclear power plants. More nuclear plants mean more round-the-clock silent vigil protests, and more round-the-clock silent vigil protests mean fewer hippie wagons in transit.

Make rich oil companies richer: Let's face it. Few people are ever going to start driving their cars less because it's the environmentally correct thing to do. But if people get so pissed off at oil industry fats cats, who made over $60 billion in after-tax profits in 2003, they might just stop driving out of spite. To encourage this possibility, President Bush wants to give the oil companies closed military bases so they can build new refineries, plus over $8 billion in tax cuts and subsidies.

Get rid of all the old people: Lots of heat in the winter. Lots of air conditioning in the summer. Old people consume way too much energy. Eliminate them, and the energy crisis solves itself. Of course, you can't just eliminate old people with a magic wand. That's why it's so important to cut Medicaid and dismantle Social Security as soon as possible.

Bush Is Blowing Smoke on Energy [Business Week]

Define Gouging, Mr. President [AmericaBlog]

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It's the night before the two-night Democratic primary debate extravaganza, and we're already tired. Turns out having 20 candidates spread across two nights when only six or eight of them matter is not the must-see TV we all thought it was going to be! But that's not to dissuade you from getting excited! We're excited! We're so excited! We're so ...

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SCARED!

In case you need a reminder, here is how it's going to go down:

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Lately he's been blowing smoke from another orifice.

After a cursory examination of the TWELVE filings in the case against California Congressman Duncan Hunter just in the past 24 hours, we can confidently declare that that guy is a fucking idiot. The prosecutors have him by every last one of his short and curlies -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to pay for hundreds of thousands of dollars of ski trips, video games, tuition, and plane tickets for the family rabbit.

A rational human being would have pleaded down a year ago and given up his congressional seat, since he could cash out and make a lot more money as a lobbyist anyway. But not Duncan Hunter! He made the federal government chase him down and document every last carton of cigarettes, round of tequila, and Uber ride of shame home from his many girlfriends' houses in a 60-count indictment filed last August. And still this dumb sumbitch refused to admit he was caught, even after his lovely wife (and co-conspirator) Margaret Hunter flipped on him this month -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to carry on multiple affairs and you piss off the US Attorneys enough that they put every 7 a.m. Uber ride in your indictment.

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