DDM back to help splain some Congressional nitty-gritty-ness. There have been lots of happy nice times about our GLBTQMORELETTERS friends lately, because people around the country are finally looking around and saying, hey, these gay folks ain't that bad! In fact, they seem almost like actual human beings, so maybe we could, you know, give them FUCKING RIGHTS. HashtagHappyEmoticon.

But there is also happy nice time for teh gheyz on Capitol Hill.  As you may have heard, Congress is debating whether or not to allow Messicans to completely overrun the country and take away all our freedoms and spend all our tax monies on anchor babies, through immigration reform. As it turns out, apparently they're talking about the ghey, as well.

Sen. Leahy (D-Rainbows & Smiles) has filed two amendments to let same-sex couples be treated like human beings regarding immigration. The first, stronger one, allows an American in a bi-national same-sex couple to sponsor the non-American for immigration. For example, if an American lady falls in love with a woman here on a work visa (stealing a job from a real Merican), then this amendment would allow that love to flourish here in the U.S. of A., without deporting said foreigner. The second amendment is weaker – it would allow binational GLBTQMORELETTERS couples who are legally married under state law to sponsor for immigration, meaning only those married in the 11 happy happy states that allow gay marriage (and DC, dammit!! We count!!).

Clearly, this has caused those on the right to froth like a rabid Paul Ryan (R-Biceps) without his Tiger Beat.  I mean, do these gays want ALL the same rights as straight people? There has to be a line somewhere. And on that line, we would like to build a giant fence, injeebusnamenowgohomeyouhomokthanksbye.

But wait, DDM! I noticed that you said the nice SenatorMan “filed two amendments.” What does that mean? Some wonksplanation is needed!

The Gang of 8 (seriously, it’s what they call themselves; fill in your own joke) introduced a comprehensive immigration reform bill, and Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Not White) has been all over every media outlet in the FUCKING UNIVERSE talking about the bill. Well, the bill has to move through the Judiciary Committee, of which Sen. Leahy is the Chairman.

Before the Committee meets, any Senator can file an amendment to the bill, which means proposing language to add to the bill or take words and sentences out of the bill – since we all know that Congresscritters need to endlessly tinker with every damn thing possible.

In the Committee process, the 18 Senators on the Committee get to call up their amendments and vote on them. So you see, just because you file an amendment doesn’t mean that it will be called up. Pay attention, dammit!

The Judiciary Committee has already met one time on this bill, and it will meet a few more times before they are done. Sen. Leahy hasn’t said that he will 100% for-sure call up either amendment, but he super-promised (no takesy-backsies) that he believes all forms of discrimination are wrong, so let’s hope for the best!

But some GLBTQMORELETTERS groups are worried about the outcome. You see, there are 10 Dems and 8 GOPeeps on the committee. So a straight (haha) party-line vote would mean that the amendments would pass, and teh gahys could have super-duper nice time. But some Dems are wavering in their support of the amendments, namely Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Land O' Gheyz) and Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-TeeVee). If this were one of those sites where we expected anything from our readers beyond drooling on the keyboard in a drunken stupor, we would link to their websites with phone numbers at the bottom so you could call and ask them to be nicey-nice to teh gahys.  But you people would probably just make fart noises into the phone, which wouldn’t help at all, nosiree.

Anyway, piss-flapping totally not-bigot-y Republicans are saying that treating gay people like human beings is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE, and that any amendment to the bill to make this happen would ruin the bill and cause the sky to fall and force all radio stations to play Justin Bieber all the time.

Once the bill is voted on in Committee, all it has to do is pass the Senate, then pass a House Committee, then pass the full House, and then go to the Prez for a signature – easy breezy, right? The easiest part of this process should be to get PRO-GAY Dems to vote to include gays in the bill, RIGHT? But because Sen. Schumer and Sen. McCain (R-GrumpyPants) made some behind-closet-doors-but-not-in-a-gay-way pinky swear to get a shitty bill through Congress so that they could see their names in lights, it's not easy. And because Sen. Rubio is already running for president, he’s no help. You would think at least big ol' gay Lindsay Graham (R-Closet) would help, but he has to get re-elected in the armpit of the nation (seriously, have you been to SC?) in 2014, so he has to keep living in denial. So if you can super-promise to not make fart noises into the phone (ok… just one, but at the end, k?), call up Schumer and Feinstein and tell them to get their fucking act together.

DDM believes that gay people are human beings and should be treated equally under the law.


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