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A confrontation between a naked Michigan state senator and his ex-wife in the wee hours of Sunday morning made for competing narratives and movie references this weekend. Did Virgil Smith attack his former spouse after an argument when she showed up at his Detroit home at 1 in the morning, or did she fly into a rage and attack Smith's girlfriend? And in either scenario, was it really necessary for Smith to shoot the hell out of his ex's Mercedes? (No, it was not.) Are we watching Rashomon, The Big Lebowski, or the worst mashup ever?


According to Smith's statement to police, Smith's ex showed up uninvited at the state senator's house and began pounding on the bedroom window, and then, when he went to open the front door, "kicked the door open and pushed (past) him." She then allegedly went into Smith's bedroom, attempted to attack Smith's girlfriend, and then Smith and his ex got into a fight, knocking over a TV, after which he finally drove her from the house. Next, he says, he saw her "throwing a chair at his house windows," at which point he grabbed a semiautomatic rifle and fired multiple shots into her 2015 Mercedes Benz GLA250, an act he described as "the most stupid thing in his life." Whatever happened prior to that, we're willing to buy that assessment.

Smith's ex-wife -- whose name was withheld by the Detroit News, presumably because she's not a naked shooty state senator -- outlined a completely different version of the incident for police. According to her, Smith invited her to stay the night at his place, but when she arrived, she was met at the door by Smith, naked as a jaybird, and his girlfriend, whose state of clothedness was not specified.  After an argument, Smith allegedly assaulted his ex, punching her in the face and shoving her face-first into the floor, after which he chased her, fired several shots at her, and then shot up her car, which was so badly damaged by the gunfire that it wouldn't start when a friend tried to retrieve it.

We're no psychics, but we're guessing that the police found the ex-wife's version more persuasive, seeing as how Smith is facing potential charges of "aggravated assault with a gun and malicious destruction of property." If he's convicted, a quirk of Michigan law means that Smith could conceivably continue to hold his seat in the state Senate, since a 2010 constitutional amendment only requires Michigan lawmakers to be stripped of office if they're convicted of a “felony involving dishonesty, deceit, fraud, or a breach of the public trust” in cases where the crime was “was related to the person’s official capacity while the person was holding any elective office.” We suppose supporters of the law wanted to carve out a zone of privacy where a naked guy could shoot up his ex's car, just as long as no taxpayer money payed for the bullets.

The NRA has not yet issued an official statement on the advisability of nekkid gun-handling, but we anticipate the usual bland statement of support for the right to bear arms. Bare.

[Detroit News via Business Insider]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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