Butter Is the Color of My True Justice's Heart
Chances are very good that the White House -- in a very subtle move to distract the nation from it being... Friday -- will announce their new SCOTUS nominee today. Reader CB has a suggestion: Pick the Stick! His honorable Butteriness, reigning panda of the National Zoo, combines the constitutional law experience of Harriet Miers with the adorability of John Roberts. Also, he stands a better chance than Edith Clement of banging Nathan Hecht. More of CB's arguments on the Stick's behalf:
1. His distinctive black markings practically function as a built-in robe made of fuzzy wuzzy panda fur.Oyez, oyez!
2. Content to sit quietly and munch on bamboo during oral arguments, he would still be more active from the bench than Justice Clarence Thomas.
3. Being lovingly smothered by panda mommy Mei Xiang 24/7 on the PandaCam sends the unmistakable message to Dr. James Dobson that our Butterstick is firmly pro-life and would vote to overturn Roe v. Wade.
4. Has shown more intellectual grasp of the implied commerce clause in his daily rolling around on a bed of hay than Harriet Meirs has shown throughout her entire legal career.
5. Cute little panda bleats not likely to be mistaken for the angry rants of Justice Antonin Scalia, despite their hairy bear resemblances in most other respects.
6. As the final word on the law of the land, he could change his name from that stupid Chinese thing back to Butterstick, all legal like.
7. He's just supremely cute!
UPDATE: 8. "Eats briefs, leaves." (Thanks, MZ!)