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Farm boy, make me a pie.


Just last week, you were talking to your Thanksgiving host, and you made the mistake of being polite and asking if there is anything you can bring. And she said, "Oh, you're so thoughtful; something for dessert would be great!" So demanding! Do not fret. Today we share with you (for you to share with your friends on social media) a Buttercup Squash Pie recipe, so you can say, "As you wish."

Yes, it's very similar to pumpkin or sweet potato pie, but it's different enough to generate conversation and non-traditional enough to deter your reactionary uncle from even tasting it. Buttercup squash are squat, ugly little bastards. If you can't find one, you can do this with butternut or acorn squash, or some combination of all of them. We're using buttercup squash mostly because we love Gilbert and Sullivan, almost as much as Adam West's Batman does:

Buttercup Squash Pie

1 pie dough in a pie pan (Here's Mojopo's recipe, but you only need half of it)

1 buttercup squash (alternatively 1 butternut or 2 acorn squash)

1 cup sugar

1 cup milk

2 shots of dark rum

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1 teaspoon nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon ginger (the dried powder kind)

1/4 teaspoon allspice

1/4 teaspoon mace

3 eggs, separated (plus the yolk leftover from making this)

Set the oven to 400° F. Cut the squash in half, around its equator, and scoop out the seeds with a spoon.

Line a cookie sheet with tin foil, and put a little water on it. Place the squash halves, cut side down, on the cookie sheet, and bake until soft, about 30 minutes.

Carefully remove the skin from the squash, put the flesh in a large bowl, and mash it with your potato masher.

Let that cool (put the bowl outside, if it's cold where you live) while you get your pie dough into the pan.

Turn the oven up to 425° F.

The squash cool enough to handle? Great! Add to it the spices, sugar, milk, egg yolks, and half of the rum. Beat that until it is fully combined and smooth.

Drink the other shot of rum. (That's what they call a "tot" on the HMS Pinafore.)

Now, whip the egg whites until stiff but not dry.

Fold the egg whites into the squash mixture. Do you know how to do that? Mix 1/3 of the whites into the squash stuff with a whisk. Add half of what's left of the egg whites (or another 1/3 of the original amount for you algebra enthusiasts) and run your rubber spatula or wooden spoon along the bottom of the bowl away from yourself, then kinda scoop it back toward you, "folding" the mixture over the whites. Turn the bowl a quarter turn and repeat. Do this until the egg whites are fully incorporated. Gently fold in the remaining egg whites until it's almost all the way incorporated, but a few small streaks of white remain.

Pour the filling into the prepared pie dough. This is going to be way more than you need for one 9-inch pie, so be creative with the rest or throw it away.

Put it in the oven for 10 minutes, then reduce the heat to 300° F. Bake for an additional hour or so, until a toothpick comes out clean and the crust is golden brown and delicious.

If your Thanksgiving host is any damn good at hosting Thanksgiving, there will be plenty of whipped cream available to dollop on slices. We're eating it with vanilla ice cream today for our health. We will wait until next week to begin drinking heavy cream by the quart.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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