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Buy John Edwards' Slave's Book!

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Look what's up for pre-sale, everybody: the memoir from John Edwards' famous ex-slave, Andrew Young, about how he would blow and grundle-pump ol' Haircut every morning for years, only to be rewarded with an order to claim the fatherhood of John Edwards' bastard child. Hey, publisher's website? We think you have the wrongAndrew Young here, in your bio. If you thought you were getting that Andrew Young to write a book, well then, ha ha ha, oh man... don't shoot the messenger! [Macmillan]

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The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

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Times have been tough for those Trump supporters who are fine with his rampant bigotry but are discovering he's going to screw them like any number of non-wife-like women he totally swears he's never met.

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