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By 'Left Bain' Mitt Romney Actually Meant 'Continued To Run/Own 100% Of/Chair Bain For Years'

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Is there ever a *bad* time to go with Hezbollah Mickey Mouse?The Boston Globe has a fantastic story today about Mitt Romney, the local candidate. Romney has long claimed that he left Bain Capital in 1999, shortly before the firm unleashed a particularly sharp, blood-soaked assault on American jobs, to take up his new job as an Olympics Saver. And yet documents that Bain later filed with the SEC -- and savvy cats know that you can tell those dopes anything -- say that "he remained the firm’s 'sole stockholder, chairman of the board, chief executive officer, and president'" for, oh, another three years. Were you aware of this, stockholders? Did you know about all of this papery play-governance going on behind your backs? No, you didn't, because you didn't exist, since Romney "still owned 100 percent of Bain Capital in 2002."


This certainly doesn't square with the official Mitt Romney timeline of important Mitt Romney dates. We know that he left in 1999 to save the Olympics, we know this. And to "save the Olympics," reader, is quite a thing. One cannot "save the Olympics" while maintaining a part-time side gig owning in its entirety/running/presidenting/ chairing a major financial firm. One envisions him, Mitt Romney, atop the snow mountain, all day, fending off Persians with the one hand, cutting a zoning deal with Zeus with the other, paying off Poseidon's Army with his one foot, kicking a neverending stream of Church intern rock-crushing slaves with the other. To Save an Olympics is to sacrifice all for the sake of competitive sport.

And yet?

Government documents filed by Mitt Romney and Bain Capital say Romney remained chief executive and chairman of the firm three years beyond the date he said he ceded control, even creating five new investment partnerships during that time.

Romney has said he left Bain in 1999 to lead the winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, ending his role in the company. But public Securities and Exchange Commission documents filed later by Bain Capital state he remained the firm’s “sole stockholder, chairman of the board, chief executive officer, and president.”

Also, a Massachusetts financial disclosure form Romney filed in 2003 states that he still owned 100 percent of Bain Capital in 2002. And Romney’s state financial disclosure forms indicate he earned at least $100,000 as a Bain “executive” in 2001 and 2002, separate from investment earnings.

The timing of Romney’s departure from Bain is a key point of contention because he has said his resignation in February 1999 meant he was not responsible for Bain Capital companies that went bankrupt or laid off workers after that date.

Even so, here your Wonkette finds itself stuck, not really sure how "Mitt Romney worked that job a few more years" is supposed to be a devastating, blockbuster election year story that forever alters the course of time. Please, Boston Globe, please tell us you dialed one of your rent-a-provocative-angry-lawyer people to spice this up?

“You can’t say statements filed with the SEC are meaningless. This is a fact in an SEC filing,” said Roberta S. Karmel, now a professor at Brooklyn Law School.

“It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to say he was technically in charge on paper but he had nothing to do with Bain’s operations,” Karmel continued. “Was he getting paid? He’s the sole stockholder. Are you telling me he owned the company but had no say in its investments?” [...]

“If someone invested with Bain Capital because they believed Mitt Romney was a great fund manager, and it turns out he wasn’t really doing anything, that could be considered a misrepresentation to the investor,’’ she said. “It’s a theory that could be used in a lawsuit against him.”

Ooh, possible lawsuits -- provocative.

Who is the Real Mitt Romney? A guy who worked at Bain Capital until 1999... or 2002? It's time he quit this race and let secret winner Ron Paul have the nomination.

[Boston Globe]

[Also everyone on twitter and the blogs says that Mother Jones and TPM had already led the way reporting this story, so here are links to those websites]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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