Is That 'Freedom Gas,' Man? Well TURN IT UP!
Up until now, the tenure of Rick Perry at the Department of Energy has been pretty low-key. At least, it's been quiet apart from the early reports that Perry thought he'd be secretary of the Awl Bidniss, as Molly Ivins always called it, only to find out that the top job at the Energy Department isn't so much "ambassador for fossil fuels" as it is "making sure the nuclear weapons don't go boom." (You'd think he'd know better than to trust a name, since back in Texas, the "Railroad Commission" has little to do with choo-choos and is all about the aforementioned awl bidniss.)
Still, the Energy Department does have a hand in oil and gas, too, which is why it periodically issues routine press releases about expanded exports of natural gas, touting what an economic boon that is for, say, a Liquefied Natural Gas facility in Texas. Exports! Jobs! And, of course, FREEDOM GAS.
Here is the actual text from yesterday's DOE press release touting -- or tooting -- this miraculous new substance:
Today, the U.S. Department of Energy (DOE) advanced its commitment to promoting clean energy, job creation, and economic growth by approving additional exports of domestically produced natural gas from the Freeport LNG Terminal located on Quintana Island, Texas [...]
"Increasing export capacity from the Freeport LNG project is critical to spreading freedom gas throughout the world by giving America's allies a diverse and affordable source of clean energy. Further, more exports of U.S. LNG to the world means more U.S. jobs and more domestic economic growth and cleaner air here at home and around the globe," said U.S. Under Secretary of Energy Mark W. Menezes... [emphasis added -- Dok]
Another line in the press release offered yet another inventive way to refer to boring ol' natural gas. See if there's enough America in this paragraph!
"Approval of additional LNG exports from Freeport LNG furthers this Administration's commitment to promoting American energy, American jobs, and the American economy. [...] With the U.S. in another year of record-setting natural gas production, I am pleased that the Department of Energy is doing what it can to promote an efficient regulatory system that allows for molecules of U.S. freedom to be exported to the world," said Assistant Secretary for Fossil Energy Steven Winberg, who signed the export order [again, emphasis added]
Slate explains these two fine bureaucrats are simply sucking up to the boss, outgassing their own notes of liberty to a blast that started earlier this month, when Gov. Goodhair himself praised a new policy aimed at doubling the amount of LNG going to Europe. Since our European allies would no longer be dependent on the Russian Bear for their gaseous hydrocarbons, he explained, it was like the Marshall Plan, only a far less martial plan:
"The United States is again delivering a form of freedom to the European continent," he said. "And rather than in the form of young American soldiers, it's in the form of liquefied natural gas." Afterward, a cheeky reporter from EURACTIV asked whether "freedom gas" would be a correct way to describe the new fuel shipments. "I think you may be correct in your observation," an apparently inspired Perry responded.
Finally, Rick Perry has made a splash, so to speak! So now we have freedom gas and molecules of US freedom, which will surely be joined by calls to burn more Liberty Coal and emit more Constitution CO2, which doesn't contribute to "climate change" -- heck no, it's all about increasing Global Freedoming until all God's children can finally be free of burdensome government regulation, polar bears, and an astonishing number of troublesome coastal cities.
Heck, maybe the Energy Department can work out a licensing deal with this outfit, because we think we can suggest a mascot for this whole freedom gas thing!
Just gotta hope there's a substantial Articles of Confederation Seawall around the Freeport LNG plant. The facility's Environmental Impact Statement indicates Quintana Island is smack dab in a floodplain, and likely to be under 15 feet of water in a "100-year flood," or freedom inundation.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.