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Cantor Barely Surviving On Diet Of Tuna Sandwiches And Bile

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Most politicians who arrive in Washington resembling relatively fit and attractive humans quickly become repulsive monsters, because the restaurants serve nothing but cheesy bread products and the Congressional gym is booby trapped with vicious nine-fingered Jews who will assault you, naked. So House Minority Whip Eric Cantor has really beaten the odds by remaining thin, somehow.


And now we know the secret to his dazzling success:

An aide told Yeas & Nays that the Virginia Republican is so hard at work helping to lead the Republican Party that he often forgets to eat, leaving his team with no choice, but to remind him to chow down.

But if he must eat, he prefers tuna fish sandwiches, staying clear of anything that breaks his kosher diet. As for his workout routine, Cantor jogs.

Amazing! You mean that whole "healthy food and exercise" thing actually works?

Cantor's diet secrets revealed [Washington Examiner]

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