This is our Pearl Harbor.What caused the brief and pretty boring evacuation of the Capitol Visitor Center at 11:25 a.m.? Did the vanilla-chai teabags reach a Singularity? No it was a fire alarm everybody calm the fuck down. A mysterious staffer, "Em-bot," sent us the entire drama, as represented in Capitol Police emails. It is exciting, if you are excited by, say, Twitter.


From: US Capitol Police [mailto:uscp59386@alert.house.gov]

Sent: Wednesday, April 08, 2009 11:25 AM

To: All House Staff

Subject: Evacuation of the Capitol Visitors Center (CVC).

Importance: High

This is a message from the U.S. Capitol Police

1. An evacuation has been ordered for the Capitol Visitors Center (CVC).

2. Remain calm and move in a safe manner to the exits.

3. If nearby, grab Go-Kits and personal belongings on the way out.

4. Close doors behind you, but do not lock. Avoid using elevators.

5. Proceed home. Or, if your office has an alternate off-campus meeting

place,

proceed to that alternate site if directed by your management.

6. Once at home, you can call 1-888-446-4366 or 202-226-6661 for recorded information.

7. If you are not in the (designated HOBs), please stay clear of the building.

Please do not respond to this e-mail. This mailbox is unattended. End of message.

Sent on: 04/08 11:25

-----Original Message-----

From: US Capitol Police [mailto:uscp59391@alert.house.gov]

Sent: Wednesday, April 08, 2009 11:37 AM

To: All House Staff

Subject: Follow-up to the Capitol Visitors Center (CVC) Situation - All Clear

Importance: High

This is a message from the U.S. Capitol Police

1. The Capitol Visitors Center (CVC) situation has been resolved.

2. You may now return to your offices.

3. Thank you for your cooperation during this incident.

Please do not respond to this e-mail. This mailbox is unattended. End of message.

Sent on: 04/08 11:36

=

We noticed, by the way, that Capitol staffers' usenet group, "The Capitolist," has gone offline. The owner quit paying the bills! Typical government, destroying our country, etc. In past years, on the rare occasion when some "breaking news" was happening at the Capitol, we could turn to this dumb website to collect an easy children's treasury of vapid capitool staffer responses to, say, the Senate being on fire. Or, the House being on fire. No more. Never forget.

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