Cartoon Violence Has Love In Its Heart For All Things

Another Friday, another roundup of Today's Cartoons vivisected for your amusement by experienced caricature-identifier The Comics Curmudgeon.

This week: are they laughing at you? Are they? How can you tell? CC knows, and he's here to help. All the grotesque feature-exaggerating you can handle, after the jump.

You don't get into the political cartooning business because you want to draw noble, idealized portraits of public figures you admire. If that's the sort of thing you're into, why don't you move the hell to North Korea and work on their propaganda posters, OK? Here in the good old US of A, we have a long tradition, dating back to the Era of Obese, Bowler-Hat-Wearing Corrupt Political Bosses, of using the graphical arts to cut our prominent leaders down a notch. With, you know, devastating emotional and political effect.

So let's say that you yourself are a politician, foreign despot, celebrity, or other such person that political cartoonists feel like they can mock with impunity. How do you know that you're being singled out for opprobrium? The way of the cross-hatcher can be wily and devious. So that you don't feel like you're being made fun of behind your back, we here at Wonkette have provided you with a handy sampling of hatees, and point out the tell-tale signs.

01oil.gifWho's hated: Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Signs of hatred: He's surrounded by flies, the most hated form of winged insect life! Is this meant to imply that, far from being a garden-variety religious fanatic with nuclear ambitions, he's actually Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies himself? Or just that, ha-ha, he smells like doo-doo? Ha ha, Mahmoud is a doody head, Mahmoud is a doody head!

Mitigating factor: Use of the classic Borscht Belt Yiddish-derived X, SchmX construction in panel five indicates that maybe there's a crack in his unrelenting anti-Semitism.

02oil.gifWho's hated: Big oil (says so right on the guy on the left's lapel).

Signs of hatred: Just look at them: the huge waddles, the fleshy fingers gripping goblets of red wine, the greasy, disheveled combovers, the tell-tale red noses of hardcore alcoholics, the lids heavy with torpor and temporarily sated lust for power. They look like nothing so much as a pair of Christopher Hitchenses, which can't possibly be a good thing.

Mitigating factor: Those oil profits, ripped cruelly from a protesting America's collective wallet, seem to have been ground down to a fine, easily-digested powder -- which is lucky for these two, because their digestive system has no doubt been compromised as evil eats them up from the inside out.

03mccain.gifWho's hated: John McCain, INSANE CRAZY MAVERICK

Signs of hatred: Well, I'm not sure if being turned into an adorably rotund syrup dispenser marks you as "hated" so much as "held in contempt."

Mitigating factor: They're only agitated because you broke their heart, John. Do what you gotta do with the wackos and then give them a call. They'll come running back for your sweet, syrupy, maverick-y goodness.

04congress.gifWho's hated: Congress. By America. According to real actual polling data!

Signs of hatred: Apparently, the graph of Congress's approval rating plummeted so low that no piece of paper could hold it. In fact, this very mortal plane of existence was unable to contain it, leaving it nowhere to go but deep into the very bowels of hell, startling the Lord of Lies himself as he sits on his throne (festooned with the skulls of the damned, natch).

Mitigating factors: Thanks to Congress's extreme unpopularity, Satan appears to have been briefly startled while enjoying his morning coffee. That's right, America: Congress may not have been able to figure out immigration reform, but it's annoyed the Prince of Darkness. That's a solid achievement to put under its belt before recess.

05scotty.gifWho's hated: Recently shit-canned White House spokesman Scott McClellan.

Signs of hatred: Now, this one is subtle, but we've been through a lot of these, so I'm going to give you a chance to guess. Did you figure it out? Look at the barn ... the horse ... the stink lines ... come on, I really want you to get this ...

Mitigating factor: Despite Scotty's being caked with feces, Dubya looks like he's ready to give him a big hug. Also, Cartoon Scott has been given a closepin for his nose, so he doesn't have to breathe in the foul stench of his own mendacity. Sadly, Real-Life Scott was given no such protection. --THE COMICS CURMUDGEON


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