Cartoon Violence: It's In One Hole or Out the Other

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today's Cartoons.

Why would you ever want to be a political cartoonist? Sure, you might love poverty and labels and repetitive motion injuries and ink stains that never wash out, but you that's not enough. You have to really want to make a visceral connection with your readers. You have to aim to hit them where they live. One of the best ways to do that is to build your cartoons around some of the most basic, primal, dare I say biological desires that lurk in the human mind. This week, after the jump, we have six cartoons based around those most fundamental human functions: fucking and shitting. Read on, if you dare.

071116-1.jpgFucking or shitting? Fucking.

Who's fucking whom? Uncle Sam is fucking Lady Liberty. Not, you know, right here on the sidewalk, but the cute little domestic scene, complete with baby and adorable wiener dog, clearly indicates occasional bouts of marital relations.

Unsettling aspects: Now, Uncle Sam is a tall fellow -- it's not just those slimming vertical stripes that make him appear that way, he really is sort of stilt-like. But, contrary to what you see here, Lady Liberty is a giantess, more than a hundred feet tall. Just one of her tears could drown poor Uncle Sam, and any sexual intercourse between the two of them would be difficult and dangerous for him and

barely noticeable by her.

071116-2.jpgFucking or shitting? Shitting.

Who's shitting on whom? A sinister Canadian loonie, complete with a grin that manages to be both smug and deranged, is crapping on the greatest single currency ever that ever has or ever will be printed: the American dollar.

Unsettling aspects: That damn bird should enjoy its defecation party now, because it's got nowhere to go. See how it's in a cage? That stands for the cage around Canada, the cage I call "the ocean." And see how the bottom of the cage is lined with American money? That's because the bottom of the cage that traps Canada is a place I like to call "America." And America doesn't like being shat on. So you grin your little grin, Canada, and you watch your back.

071116-3.jpgFucking or shitting? Fucking.

Who's fucking whom? Well, physical contact between patrons and performers is technically forbidden by club rules, but George Bush and Uncle Sam are clearly making love to General Musharraf with their eyes.

Unsettling aspects: I really love the look on stripper-Musharraf's face here; it's both appalled and resigned, and he's not trying to do anything even remotely sexy or artistic with his shoe. It seems to say that when he first pulled off that coup in 1999, he never thought it would end up this way. He just wanted to protect the prerogatives of the Pakistani military, atone for the failure of the Kargil incursion, repress extremism, maybe dabble in absolute power's benefits and jail his opponents a little bit. How did it come to this? Where did it go so wrong? How did he end up on stage, with these people shouting at him? How long can he drag this out before he has to take off his pants?

071116-4.jpgFucking or shitting? Fucking (around, anyway, if fellatio counts).

Who's fucking whom? John McCain is getting fucked over by the Christian right.

Unsettling aspects: The bouquet of coat hangers is a lovely touch. And the look of stunned disappointment on poor Walnuts' face is great. But oh, God, did you have do the thing with his knees? With the holes in the pants and the reddish skin, indicating (I can only assume) endless nights of selfless knob-gobbling that never brought you the reciprocation -- the true love -- that you were hoping for? You have done what I thought was impossible: You've made me feel bad for John McCain.

071116-5.jpgFucking or shitting? Shitting.

Who's shitting on whom? L'Arche de Zoe is spurting watery baby poop all over the arm of Nicolas Sarkozy.

Unsettling aspects: Oh, this pudgy, awkward fellow is so very much not the Sarko that is adored by our own besotted Anonymous Lobbyist. Still and all, this cartoon is pretty much one of the greatest things I've seen all week. What exactly is "L'Arche de Zoe"? Why is it being portrayed as a dark-skinned infant? And why is that infant crapping all over the President of France? In some ways the answers to those questions don't really matter -- and indeed could detract from one's enjoyment of this cartoon. I chose not to do the research.

071116-6.jpgFucking or shitting? Fucking.

Who's fucking whom? That turkey apparently had big plans to fuck that woman, but he's apparently being cockblocked by Santa.

Unsettling aspects: If you need me to explain while this is profoundly unsettling, you people are even more depraved than I gave you credit for. --THE COMICS CURMUDGEON


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