Cartoon Violence Likes One Thing About Six Cartoons
So our doctor says that we have a lot of anger roiling inside us like a storm in a might ocean, and we need to relax or the storm will make our brain explode and we'll drop dead in an apoplectic rage. We always thought that publicly berating innocent cartoonists who were just, you know, doing their jobs was part of our little self-directed therapy, but apparently it just adds to the cycle of rage that leads inexorably downward towards apoplexy. So, against our better instincts, we're taking a rare occasion to find one nice thing to say about a small set of editorial cartoons from this past week. But then we'll say something unpleasant, too, because basically we're hateful bastards.
Kudos for: Going all-out on the extended "Road to Damascus conversion experience" metaphor from the Book of Acts. Just because it will fly over the heads of most Americans doesn't mean you should give in to the ignorance.
But still and all: None of the non-Hillary caricatures are even remotely recognizable as anyone specific. In fact, Hillary should probably use that as a talking point in her campaign: "She stands out from the mass of random white guys in caricatures!"
Kudos for: Providing me with the delightful image of "Li'l Cheney." That bald, three-foot tall Vice Presidential scamp! He's always getting into hilarious scrapes! Imagine him running down to the CIA to demand that they doctor up some intelligence to support an immediate invasion of Iran! Instead of cowering before his evil sneer, they'd just put one hand on his little bald head and stiff-arm, laughing uproariously as he ineffectually swiped at their legs.
But still and all: Didn't the lettering in the word balloon used to be bigger? Because there's an awful lot of whitespace there.
But still and all: Is the newspaper serving as some kind of temporary bandage or something? Newsprint is filthy; it should never be allowed into a sterile environment.
Kudos for: The little girl, for managing to cut off all her hair, achieving a shiny-head achieving a shiny-head level of baldness using only a pair of scissors. Even Britney only got down to stubble, and she had a pair of clippers at her disposal.
But still and all: Is BRITNEY SPEARS WHORISH, IMPLACABLE DEATH GRIP ON THE SOULS OF OUR HITHERTO CHASTE AND VIRTUOUS AND PRECIOUS DAUGHTERS still editorial cartoon fodder in 2007? Apparently so.
But still and all: I think most people's hands-free gadgets are those little dangly earpiece things with the microphone floating on a slack wire near your mouth. This dude looks rather amusingly like Judy the Time-Life Operator, out for a drive.
Kudos for: The gumption of this polling place: sure, they have the most boring possible name for a polling company (even "Polls, LLC" would be a little kickier), but they're so committed to it that they've decided to festoon the generic office in whatever low-slung business park they inhabit with a sign that consists of nothing but the boring name of their boring business in a 288-point version of the most boring font imaginable.
But still and all: Upon further review, I'd like to move the rant above from the "Kudos for:" category to the "But still and all:" category. Polls, Inc.? RAGE ... RAGE ... RAGE ... --THE COMICS CURMUDGEON