Cartoon Violence Sees No Evil

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today's Cartoons.

You people don't know what it's like. You probably see maybe one or two political cartoons a day, those of you who still read newspapers. You can absorb them in small doses. Meanwhile, your blogging faithful political cartoon analyst must thumb through doodle after doodle, "funny" cartoon after "funny" cartoon, monkey-lookin' Bush after monkey-lookin' Bush, until I have a large enough collection of outrages to write this feature, or my eyes bleed out of my head, whichever comes first.


As those images flicker post my increasingly horrified sight, I see some stuff that would make a weaker man weep. Sure, it's all fun and games to see a donkey waving a white flag or an elephant lighting a cigar with a hundred-dollar bill; but there's some other, rougher stuff that will stay with me for the rest of my life. This week, I thought: why not share the love? So get a load of these ... if you dare!

01cic.gifWhat I didn't want to see: Barack Obama, dressed in short pants and a sailor hat like some sort of precocious upper-class Edwardian boy-man.

What I especially didn't want to see: Obama's adult face on said boy-man's body, giving the appearance of a freakish, stunted Obama-dwarf, or a child afflicted with the terrible curse of rapid aging syndrome.

Hard questions to be asked: Is there anyone left alive on Earth who actually dressed like this as a little boy? Is there anyone left alive on Earth whose grandfather dressed like this as a little boy? No? Then can we stop using this outfit as a visual shorthand for "little boy," please? Thanks.

02dan.gifWhat I didn't want to see: Mitt Romney's changing position on abortion rights personified as metaphorical fetus perched inside his metaphorical uterus which has expanded to the size of a bowling ball inside his metaphorical but still all-too-visible belly.

What I especially didn't want to see: Sam Brownback placing two loving hands on Romney's metaphorical but again still all-too-visible pregnant belly, looking the reader right in the eye, and saying "Oooohhh".

Hard questions to be asked: Does it make it worse that Brownback is closing one of his eyes? Yes, I think it does, actually.

03eye.gifWhat I didn't want to see: George W. Bush holding aloft a huge, veiny, staring and unblinking eye, apparently stolen from the Three Fates scene in Clash of the Titans.

What I especially didn't want to see: George W. Bush wearing cowboy boots tipped with four-inch spikes, presumably for use either in foot-to-hand combat or sick sex play.

Hard questions to be asked: Is the Democratic donkey wearing an old-timey leather football helmet shaped like the Capitol dome? For serious?

04cok.gifWhat I didn't want to see: An adorable, Dennis the Menace-esque tyke snorting a line -- nay, an entire hopscotch grid -- of coke off of the sidewalk.

What I especially didn't want to see: The undignified way he has to stick his ass up in the air to do it. This is why you snort coke off of a table or a hand mirror, or if those are unavailable, a hooker's ass, kids.

Hard questions to be asked: Does this cartoon have any basis in anything other than someone's sick desire to see a kid snorting coke?

05san.gifWhat I didn't want to see: Santa Claus's pale, knobby knees and elbows as he exposes a bit of flesh in his "summer clothes."

What I especially didn't want to see: Santa Claus enjoying a nice warm summer day on the North Pole by having a cookout ... a reindeer cookout, if Rudolph's look of goggle-eyed horror as he sniffs the plume rising from the burning venison is any indication. Will Santa force his red-nosed companion to eat the cooked remains of his fellows, saying, "Hey, they never asked you to play in their reindeer games, now did they?"

Hard questions to be asked: Are there two (and only two) sunbursts emblazoned on Santa's t-shirt thing? Is that what the jolly old elves are wearing for the summer season?

06wsj.gifWhat I didn't want to see: Rupert Murdoch, hovering on his triumphant black monolith, flashing a peace and/or victory sign to the assembled masses below him.

What I especially didn't want to see: Rupert Murdoch, hovering on his triumphant black monolith, flashing a peace and/or victory sign to the assembled masses below him ... on the surface of the moon, apparently as the Earth is hanging in the sky behind him.

Hard questions to be asked: Not that I have warm feelings towards Rupert Murdoch, but I've never seen him as the Emperor of the Moon type. This cartoon is from South Korea; you don't suppose they don't just think that all media tycoons are like that? --THE COMICS CURMUDGEON

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