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It's Friday! It's a beautiful day! After yesterday's torrential rain, the sun is out, the birds are chirping, the weekend beckons, and you're still sitting in your office wasting your life away. That would make anyone turn mean, right? That's why we at Wonkette provide to you the best in all-purpose political meanness every week. But on Fridays, we outsource the meanness to Editorial Cartoon Expert the Comics Curmudgeon, who, this week, has culled the meanest of the mean from Today's Cartoons and dissected them in the name of science.


After the jump, the tears of a VPOTUS, dope-smokin' presidents, and a certain congresswoman we know quite well.

You know who was the most aggrevated Stephen Colbert's little snarky-snark snarkfest over at the White House Correspondent's Dinner? No, not the President, who had to sit there and fume through it; not the lefty blogosphere, who went apeshit when it wasn't recognized as the defiant jeremiad that it was; not the Washington press corps, who had to go through contortions to explain why it made them uncomfortable. No, the real victims were the political cartoonists, who speak the truth to power every day, man -- if by "speak" you mean "draw funny pictures of -- and who can never get a rise out of anybody. (Note: Danish cartoonists excluded from previous sentence.)

In order to recognize these brave men and women who aren't afraid to discard the "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" advice their mothers no doubt gave them, we here at Wonkette this week have decided to feature the meanest political cartoons we could find. We also look behind the cruelity and try to determine if its justified.

Cheney weeps

01cheney.gifDefiant statement of truth: Dick Cheney is a fat fraud!

Thinking about it a little: But did he really every claim not to be an evil mass-murdering bastard? I mean, did he ever use that exact sentence: "I am not an evil mass-murdering bastard"? I'm willing to suspend my judgement on the fraud charges until I see proof on that.

But is it true?: The Cheney-bot 9000 cannot produce liquid tears, even crocodile ones. Maybe after the next upgrade.

Groovy policies

02weed.gifDefiant statement of truth: Bush and Cheney are so out of touch with reality, it's like they're high!

Thinking about it a little: It would be very sad if Donald Rumsfeld were happy and high and yet still could only muster that tight, hypercontrolled little smile that makes it look like he has to poop.

But is it true?: Well, the paranoia is setting in, that's for sure.

Katharine Harris is out of her hanging from a tree

03harris.gifDefiant statement of truth: The Bush brothers' treatment of Harris has been so ungrateful, they might as well have lynched her!

Thinking about it a little: I can't decide: Would this cartoon be more offensive if Harris were black, or less?

But is it true?: No man in this position could keep himself from looking up her skirt and still call himself a man.

The Da Vinci Code vs. God-fearing America

04movie.gifDefiant statement of truth: Far from attempting to cater to the sensibilities of millions of American Christians, Hollywood producers actually celebrate their scorn!

Thinking about it a little: Because the Last Temptation of Christ did those Titanic- like box office numbers, right?

But is it true?: While I don't claim to know what goes on behind the scenes in Hollyweird, the fact that these two balding, middle-aged men have hired a young assistant with a very large chest does add a certain air of versimilitude.

Virgins spared

05terror.gifDefiant statement of truth: Convicted 9/11 plotter Zacarias Moussaoui is so vile, even the virgins awaiting martyrs in the afterlife want nothing to do with him!

Thinking about it a little: You get to the afterlife and then there are 70 virgins and they don't even want to have sex with you? What the hell kind of reward is that?

But is it true: Lies! All vile lies from the infidel! Please don't burn me in effigy. I'm very sensitive.

Hayden's watching you

06hayden.gifDefiant statement of truth: Michael Hayden, nominated to head the CIA, is so dedicated to a panopticon-style police state that it's as if he had an enormous, creepy eye in the middle of his forehead!

Thinking about it a little: I'm having a hard time thinking about it, actually, because the drawing of the eye is so fucking creepy.

But is it true: Eye ... creepy ... creepy eye ... mustn't look ... can't look away ... --THE COMICS CURMUDGEON

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