Donate

Celebrate, America! 74% of You Know What Country We Declared Our Independence From!

News

Marist University saw that the Fourth of July was coming up and decided tocommission a poll to show how stupid we all are. The question: "From which country did the United States win its independence?" Marist was surely expecting only 2% of Americans to know the answer. CNN.com was also prepared for the results with a "more than 1 in TK Americans don't know which country America declared its independence from, the dumb freaks" story. Yet America surprised them all! SEVENTY-FOUR PERCENT OF US know the answer to the question! USA! USA! USA!


How can CNN honestly still present this cynically as an Americans-are-stupid-fucks story? This is an AMAZING result. Consider that a good 10% of Americans probably have Alzheimer's. Then another 5% are just regular crazy people. And probably 11% of Americans got offended that some annoying academic called them up during dinner to ask them this single, inane question and answered "the United States won its independence from the country of My Ass."

THAT MEANS EVERYONE ELSE ANSWERED THIS QUESTION CORRECTLY.

Sure, only an Alvin Greene majority, 60%, of adults aged 18 to 29, our country's future, answered it correctly. But an Alvin Greene majority is still a landslide. And yes, only 67% of women got it right, compared to 81% of men, but that's understandable because it's well-known science that women have less mental capacity for patriotism.

This is absolutely stunning. Americans hate being learned, yet the U.S. has somehow gotten most of its citizens to learn a historical factoid that is not celebrity-related. When you read stories about people dying this weekend in fireworks accidents, don't get cynical. Remember this poll. And wave that flag.

(And for those who don't know, America won its independence from a country called "Al Qaeda.") [Marist University/Political Ticker]

$
Donate with CC

Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc

SUPPORT THE CAUSE

Donate