Celebritrash Side-Boob Rag: Obama Worse Than Nixon!
The patriots at Globe Magazine have been warning us from the very start that this Obama was a menace, but did we listen? No, and shame be upon us! Where the hell were we back in February of 2008, when Globe uncovered the "Obama Firestorm" that he was a black Afrobaby and not even an American either? Probably getting our legs thrilled, we are such perverts! And what the hell were we doing a month later, when the bombshell "Obama Bombshell" bombshell revealed that he is a gay sex haver and a doer of crack no better than a common mayor of Toronto? Off at the Church of Satan getting gay married to whatever was handy, no doubt! It went on and on: "OBAMA STABS DYING CLINTON IN THE BACK!" ... "OBAMA IN GAY BATHHOUSE BOMBSHELL"" ... "Obama Lung Cancer Shocker!" ... "Truth About Obama Gay Murder!" ... "OBAMA'S $5 MILLION VACATION SCANDAL" ... and this is but a Whitman's Sampler of all the scandals, shockers, back-stabbings, and bombshells that Globe has gamely chronicled since we invited this national nightmare into the White House... yet we fools did nothing, leaving Globe with no choice but to call it: Obama is officially "WORSE THAN NIXON!" so let's get this impeachment started! Also, did you know that they built a new Watergate, and it exploded!? But what are Sources Saying?
'The 51-year-old Commander-in-Chief is so alarmed about his OWN impeachment, he can't eat or sleep and has been walking the White House's halls at night, bizarrely staring at the portrait of Abraham Lincoln for inspiration, says a source.'
That does sound bizarre, a source! And evocative of something, maybe a movie we saw, who knows. But why impeachment? Seems harsh, no? Unfortunately, it's really that serious, as you would know if you were willing to spend $3.99 for the Truth:
- "The Internal Revenue Service specifically targeted his political enemies and right-wing Tea Party groups who were critical of his policies.
- "His Justice Department secretly spied on a slew of journalists, who are American citizens, and tried to identify who they were talking with by seizing their phone records in a secret probe.
- "His Administration lied to Congress and covered up the truth about the murders of U.S. Ambassador Christopher Stevens and three other Americans at the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi, Libya."
At first, all this struck us as extremely tendentious, speculative, and hard to prove, given the facts as we know them and the high bar of impeachment. But then we realized: Globe Magazine is so far ahead of the curve because they are literally reporting from the future:
In this mad world to come, a poll will find that "more than half of those surveyed want to impeach Obama "for the trifecta of scandals now consuming Washington," pollster Fritz Wenzel of Wenzel Strategies says." Even Roger Stone, who was among the trickiest of Nixon's CREEPs, says of the president: "Obama is worse than Nixon. The scandals are worse than Watergate." He would know!
Thank you, Globe Magazine, we are sheeple no more, and please do keep up the side-boob, A+ for real! One thing, though: We know the president is important and all, but did you have to bury the living members of the cast of M*A*S*H on page 34? What, do you hate the troops?