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Charlie Crist Now Making Local TeeVee Ads, Working For Ambulance Chaser

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UPDATED 1:11 pm Look, it's "Attorney Charlie Crist," that orange guy who was going to be running for president this year if he had only decided to keep his job as governor. He would like you to visit his e-mail account (but he didn't give us the password?) and tell him about the time your insurance wouldn't pay for LED lights under your car even though your neighbor's dog bit you. It's kind of sad that Crist couldn't even find a law firm that would name him partner. What's worse is the kind of "public service issues" he will be working on at this ambulance chaser. Do you need to sue the makers of the "Avaulta vaginal mesh"? Charlie will help you!

This forthepeople.com website presents us a number of important issues the former governor of the nation's fourth most populous state will be dealing with on a day-to-day basis. Just listen to his associates. Here's a video about how some seniors use too much denture cream and get zinc poisoning. IT'S A FREE COUNTRY. USE AS MUCH DENTURE CREAM AS YOU LIKE. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!

How about the exciting field of "cruise ship accident"? Just listen to this testimonial:

Jet-Ski Accident | Dade County | $1.76 million

Admiralty/maritime: wave runner accident on Lake Placid where an eight-year-old boy suffered a fractured leg. His mother also suffered a non-union fracture of the tibia, leading to the development of chronic osteomyelitis. This required a bone-lengthening corticotomy.

The insurance companies have their lawyers. Why aren't you hiring Charlie Crist, Lake Placid(?) crusie-ship jet-ski victims?

Also: sinkholes!

Sometimes the insurance company denies that a sinkhole exists.

Those assholes!

If you have any questions as to the denial of a Sinkhole claim, or if the insurance company has found the presence of a sinkhole, please contact the sinkhole lawyers at Morgan & Morgan.

Haha, Charlie Crist is a "sinkhole lawyer."

Previously: Charlie Crist gets on knees, bears soul to settle lawsuit

UPDATE: We sent the following e-mail to that address:

My pet was injured by my neighbor. What do I do, Charlie?

We received the following response:

Thanks for contacting me.

I am out at the moment but I will have one of my paralegals call you

right back.

Thanks for trusting me and our firm with your case. That means a lot to

me.

We won't let you down!!

Thanks again,

Charlie.

Thank God! Charlie will help us. [Sunshine State Sarah via Ben Smith/ForThePeople.com]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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