Cheney's Life In the Bush of Ghosts

'Of course. As a matter of fact, I'm there right now.' - WonketteStill creeped out by today's video of Dick Cheney's "Twin Peaks" routine in the Rose Garden? Get ready for more inexplicable terror.


We combed through our Creepy Cheney Image Database Archives (TM) and found startling evidence that the dude is basically in the bushes all the time -- or, perhaps more frightening, has perfected the ability to materialize in the bushes at opportune times to terrorize the press corps or other administration officials.

There is another, more horrific explanation, which we'll explain after the jump. Plus, lots more pictures!

Remember the hilarious time when Scooter Libby ended up standing in Cheney's bush? Man, was Cheney pissed! Harriet was all, "It's a little extreme to toss him to Fitzgerald for just standing in your bush." Cheney was all, "Unless you want to take the fall for 9/11, you can shut your fucking trap."

Who is CHENEY, anyway? Is CHENEY an actual living person, or an unreal entity -- an embodiment of "the evil that men do"? As there are no living human parts in CHENEY, scientists are increasingly convinced of the incorporeal theorem. The bad in every American heart -- and there is a lot of that going around -- bubbles through the wall of mass consciousness, revealing a supernatural demon that brings great pain to the world. Another example of this is "Celine Dion."

Bush loyalists - Wonkette

Hey, but even Crowleyan Thelemic Horror Demons sometimes get lonely lurking out there in the bushes.

Basically, Cheney always needs waist-high foliage around him at all times ... to hide the tentacles he often uses as "legs" or "cocks."

... Although this startling photo suggests he just silently rides to and from the bushes on this Segway.

Earlier: Dick Cheney Coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE

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