Donate
Trade War

EMERGENCY! ACHTUNG! Wonkagenda For Fri., Feb. 15, 2019

Trump to steal $8 billion for WALL, the TVA goes green, and Adam Schiff takes on Facebook's anti-vaxxer problem. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
News

ANOTHER Government Shutdown!?! Wonkagenda For Mon., Feb. 11, 2019.

Trump demands WALL (again), everyone is still talking about Jeff Bezos's dick pics, and so much more. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
News

Something's Coming. Wonkagenda For Fri., Feb. 01, 2019

Trump falls asleep in history class, Cory Booker announces his 2020 run, and net neutrality shenanigans. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
News

Getting Hot In Herre! Wonkagenda For Tues.,  Jan. 29, 2019

Meatball is cooked, Kamala kicks ass, and everyone hates Howard Schultz. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
Elections

OK, MAYBE There Was Collusion.  Wonkagenda For Thurs., Jan. 17, 2019

ALLEGEDLY drunk Rudy Giuliani denies his denial, Michael Cohen ALLEGEDLY paid $50,000 to be an internet sex symbol, and Trump to re-start Star Wars. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
News

President Sh*tmouth. Wonkagenda For Tues., Jan. 8, 2019

Trump to make TV worse with prime time address, and the government shutdown gets worse. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
Elections

Be The Terror You Want To See In The World! Wonkagenda For Mon., Jan. 7, 2019

It's not a 'concrete wall' anymore, Dems put on their Investigatin' shoes, and Joe Biden gets ready to run. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
China

China Lands On Dark Side Of The Moon, Finds No One Waiting

You Fucking Love Science!

Did you know that besides the US, Russia and China are the other two countries to have landed on the moon? Well, now you do, bitches. While we've all been happy enough to land on the normal side that is visible from Earth, our mortal enemies in the Great Tariff war decided to overachieve and land on the damn DARK SIDE! Big deal you say? It's not even actually dark on that side, you say? That's true, but it IS kinda of a big deal. Before we get to why, let's do a quick primer on the Chinese space program. (You fucking love primers!)

All the movies and books focus on the US vs Russia space race in the late '50s and early '60s with the Russians taking the lead via Sputnik and getting a man in space first. Of course, then Ryan Gosling beat the Red Menace to land on the moon, even though the traitor never planted the Stars and Stripes there. Pinche, buey. China was there all along though! They started a missile program with nuclear aspirations during the years of the Korean war and then after Sputnik went up, they went for satellites. Back then, the Russians and Chinese were pals and the nesting doll innovators went ahead and shared a bunch of satellite and missile tech with them.

Old timey propaganda poster. Not sure who to credit

Of course, Soviet/Chinese relations soured after Mao dissed Khrushchev, the bromance ended, and in 1960 everyone took their tech and went home. However, even with the early help, the Chinese didn't successfully launch a satellite until 1970, named Dong Fang Hong I. For those not language savvy, it means "the East is Red." Interesting trivia, that's the name of a Chinese song, and the satellite had a radio transmitter that played the song for 20 days straight. Why? Because they could. Sadly, after trying to get the bronze, they ended up being fifth to get a satellite in orbit. It's still up there, though, so "A" for quality work.

Keep reading... Show less
Trade War

No No, The Trade War Is Awesome It'll All Be Fine!

I've got your trade war hangin'!

Sorry to interrupt this very happy day, but it looks like we may be in for a wee smidge of economic turbulence. Yesterday morning, President Arty McDeals played Game of Sycophants while dribbling onto a giant poster of himself emblazoned with the words, "Sanctions Are Coming." Just hours later, Apple halted trading of its shares to announce that its first quarter expected profits will be down substantially. Seems that sanctions are already here, and they're taking a huge bite out of the American economy. Trade wars are good and easy to win!

Despite Donald Trump's constant insistence that the Chinese are paying when we sanction their imports, here on Planet Earth, it is actually American importers coughing up the cash and then passing the additional cost on to consumers. Do you see Xi Jin Ping ranting about American farmers paying for a new Great Wall through the yuuuuge soybean tariffs enacted by his government in response to American levies? No, you don't! Because President Xi is not A IDIOT. And also because Chinese pig producers can simply buy their soybeans from Brazil instead, leaving North Dakota farmers with silos full of rotting legumes.

Keep reading... Show less
Trump

YOU GET NOTHING! Wonkagenda For Thurs., Jan. 3, 2019

Trump's shutdown enters Day 13, and Nancy Pelosi comes out swinging. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
Guns

'Still A Believer In Santa?' Wonkagenda For Wed., Dec. 26, 2018

Trump insults a seven-year-old, and holds the country hostage. Your morning news brief!

Happy Kwanzaa and Boxing Day, Wonketariat! We'll be slow-posting with both Evan and Dok out, so just consider it "artisanal." Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
Russia

Shutdown Shitshow Season Finale. Wonkagenda For Fri., Dec. 21, 2018

Jim Mattis quits, Trump wants his wall, and China is stealing EVERYTHING. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
Elections

Maybe Mexico Won't Pay For It? Wonkagenda For Wed., Dec. 19, 2018

Trump's not so proud to shut the government down anymore, and Facebook gave away all your shit. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
Post-Racial America

Shut Up, Old Man! Wonkagenda For Tues., Dec. 18, 2018

An angry, racist grandpa yells at the internet, the economy slides into the toilet, and Twitter hates black women. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
Post-Racial America

Christmas At Ground Zero. Wonkagenda For Mon., Dec. 17, 2018

Rudy Giuliani is funnier when he's (ALLEGEDLY) drunk, and Stephen Miller's spray-on hair threatens to shut down the government. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here are some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
Elections

'A Free Vacation For Bureaucrats.' Wonkagenda For Dec. 12, 2018

Trump tries to change all the subjects, and Javanka are the Shadow Chief Of Staff. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc