Kevin McCarthy Knows A Secret About Eric Swalwell And Chinese Spy, But SHHHHH IT'S CLASSIFIED!


GOP House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy is a busy little bonkers this week!

Lying about terrorists from Yemen, Turkey, and Iran doing their best impression of four-year-old Central American kids and sneaking across the Mexican border? Check!

Sending "Dear Colleague" letters to his caucus demanding Democratic Rep. Eric Swalwell be removed from the House Intelligence Committee, definitely because Eric Swalwell did SOMETHING VERY BAD WITH CHINESE SPY, and not at all because he's desperately looking for a Democratic rep to punish in order to distract from all the QANazis seeping into his caucus, one of whom, Marjorie Taylor Greene, had to be literally removed from all her committees for being such garbage?

Also check!

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Eric Swalwell: He Bang With Chinese Spy?

FBI cleared him of wrongdoing, not like that matters.

On Tuesday, Axios published a great big story about a Chinese spying operation in the United States. The product of a year-long investigation, it revealed that a "Chinese national named Fang Fang or Christine Fang" had gotten friendly with a whole bunch of US politicians, their campaigns, and staff in their offices, between 2011 and 2015. Among them was Congressman Eric Swalwell. Fang worked on his 2014 reelection campaign, saw him at several events, and even managed to place an intern with Swalwell's office in Washington DC.

  • The report makes clear that Swalwell was not suspected of any wrongdoing, and that when the FBI gave him a "defensive briefing" on Fang's suspected espionage activities in 2015, he immediately cut off all contact with Fang. Fang abruptly left the US in mid-2015 and returned to China.
  • The full report is pretty interesting reading, if you can get past Axios's bullet-point style.
  • The site's punchy format isn't very well-suited to longform reporting.
  • You have to wonder if maybe someone said in a meeting at some point, "Oh fuck the brand, let's just use paragraphs, for chrissake."
  • If anyone did argue for more conventional formatting, they were clearly shot down.

What's at stake: God I hope that over time, this doesn't somehow become the norm for English prose writing.

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2020 presidential election

Can't Follow Bannon, Giuliani's Bizarre, Made-Up JOE BIDEN CORRUPTION China Plot? Here, Try Some Crack!

We're gonna need a bigger pinboard!

Oh, the GOP wants to talk about FAKE DOSSIER do they? Want to talk about misinformation campaigns and foreign election interference? Yes, let's have that talk.

Let's talk about the bullshit Hunter Biden dossier these coprophagic lunatics swallowed whole after watching it slide out the back end of their own fake news ecosystem. Extra fiber from China eases the way!

Ben Collins and Brandy Zadrozny from NBC got the goods. (Again.) Apparently, a guy named Martin Aspen cooked up a 64-page "intelligence report" on Hunter Biden's supposed ties to the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) that's been circulating among Trump's allies for months now.

Only Martin Aspen doesn't exist, and neither does Typhoon Investigations, the "intelligence firm" that supposedly employs him. It took tech experts approximately eight seconds to figure out that the profile picture for this person was generated by AI, which is about as long as it will take any American to work out that whoever is drafting these tweets is not a native English speaker.

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Obama: OF COURSE Dictators Want Trump To Win, He's Their Very Own Remote-Controlled Idiot!

We continue to like Barack Obama's new job of dickslapping Trump while pointing and laughing.

Hooray, time for your daily Barack Obama Clowns On Trump And Kicks Him In Dick video!

This actually came from the rally Obama did yesterday in Orlando, where he made fun of Trump for being jealous of coronavirus's TV ratings and also made fun of Trump for running away crying into his bunker from Lesley Stahl and his "60 Minutes" interview.

Turns out Obama went at Trump over his fears of Lesley Stahl from a whole DIFFERENT direction during his speech in Orlando. Why didn't we see this part and tell you it yesterday? It was all part of our master plan to give you a new Obama video every day, by being really busy and missing things entirely!

The theme of this section was Obama saying that if Trump has to fall down the stairs into the bunker when Lesley Stahl scares him, he FOR SURE is going to roll over for dictators who flatter him. And because Trump has been president for almost four years, we know that's exactly what Trump does with dictators. He fawns all over them. He is jealous of their power. He thinks they are big men, and that they are REAL leaders, because they have total control, and that's what he wants to be. He wants to be a REAL BIG GUY LEADER.

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